Two G's in a Pod
by Stillmatic
Summary: It comes down to two G's to find some way home from some mystical fairy-tale land called Equestria while remaining as unnoticed as possible. Of course, given their luck, that will probably not happen. Join these two intrepid humans as they venture through Equestria using whatever they can at their disposal. Parody of self-inserts and all that good stuff that you see on here. HiE yo
1. Chapter 1

**Two G's in a Pod**

**Chapter 1: Alive on Arrival**

**By: Stillmatic and Lucius Seneca**

* * *

Will awoke with a start. Blue skies and faint wisps of cloud decorated his vision, shifting as his head lolled to the side dazedly, revealing a small grouping of evergreen trees. The shocked high-schooler struggled to his feet only to find himself lodged in the scraggily collection of twigs and dead plant matter which was a shrub. Will rolled sideways, earning cuts and scratches in the process, and hit the hard ground below with a grunt.

"God dammit..."

Yellow and brown grass clutched feebly onto the fibers of Will's shirt, falling away as he struggled to his feet, head throbbing angrily and body aching. A freezing gust of wind blew across the area and, noticing a quiet bubbling, Will discovered a small stream trickling nearby, carving a path through the firm soil. Mountains could be seen in the distance, a snowy valley separating the lone human from the monuments of rock and stone.

Something was evidently wrong, but Will, drawing a blank, was unable to come up with an appropriate answer as to just what had happened. Surely he must have hit his head, but how did he end up here? Shrugging the feeling off and focusing on sheltering himself from the gusts of wind, Will ducked his head, pulling his Adidas blazer around himself, and stepped into the relative shelter of the nearby trees.

Pine needles, small bits of dead plant matter, and the smell of evergreen filled the small area. Evening light burst through the many holes and openings ahead and Will continued onward, intent on finding his way out of the predicament. The temperature was uncomfortable to say the least and the thin blazer did little to stop the elements from taking their toll on Will. He shivered and pushed through a sheaf of branches and green pine needles before stepping into the open, valley behind him.

More mountains greeted him, this time much closer than expected. Will squinted up at the silhouettes of jagged peaks and ledges, all darkened by the amber of a setting sun. The sudden thought of being stuck in a mountain range with no way out forced Will onwards, if somewhat uneasily. Patches of snow, fresh by the look of it, lay underfoot and sneakers crushed the thin layers of ice plastered over dirt.

A sudden drop forced Will to step back and he stared down at the carved angles of a quarry. It was spread out before him like an arena, paths cut into the stone to allow workers in and out. First appearances aside, Will discovered that the quarry was split into two parts, a thin canyon between the current area and the next, reminding Will of a dumbbell.

It took a few seconds, but soon the confused student was sliding down the incline and, after a flurry of dust and cold wind, Will arrived at the bottom. Blocks of stone lay about as if a giant had taken them out to play, but had forgotten to put them back, and judging by the look of the place, it hadn't been in operation for a while.

Will muttered under his breath "Well, thats great. Middle of fuckin' nowhere."

The howling of wind laughed at him and he brushed himself off before making his way past several rusted pickaxes and making the short walk into the path connecting the two quarries. Shadows danced off the chiseled walls and the wind seemed to scream in the narrow confines, causing Will to duck his head against the invisible gusts, sending his brown hair whipping around.

Soon he emerged from the impromptu wind tunnel and looked around in relief, but froze in place as his eyes drifted over the new area. A car, or what was once car, lay crumpled nearby, windows smashed and tires burst. A man appeared from the driver's side, nursing his arm in the process.

"Don?"

* * *

There was nothing happening for a few minutes within the partially destroyed car, until someone started to stir into wakefulness. His head, while undamaged with the exception for a few cuts, lied against the steering wheel. Arms, one embedded with pieces of glass, hung limply and the encumbered legs opened until they met their respective barriers on both sides of the seat. Slowly, they closed, the arms pulled in, and the head moving back to the rest above the seat. He was now awake, but wished he hadn't been.

The young man groaned and attempted to rub his forearm, only for it to send a shooting sting to his brain. He gasped loudly and yanked his hand away before opening his eyes to see the damage that had been beset upon him. It was obvious that he was still in his car, but the vehicle seemed to have lost all will to live with the state it was in. The windshield was completely broken in, as was every other window, and a massive dent left the front of the car a foot or two inward. The door on the right was torn off and other than the glass and other debris littering the inside, everything seemed fine.

"My car, man… just imagine what the damn insurance agent is going to say…"

The young man checked his rearview and examined what was seen. Light-brown eyes stared back at him, and above that, dirty-blonde hair that was in serious need of a comb. He flexed his eyebrows playfully before wincing at the pain stabbing at his arm. Donathen, usually Don, grabbed the seat next to him and pushed it forward, giving him the room to reach the seat divider in the back. After doing so, he leaned in and pulled open the compartment leading into the trunk, where he pulled out a first-aid kit he kept for any occasion.

'Never thought I'd ever use this shit…'

Don pulled out tweezers and carefully began operating (as much as a medically-inept college student actually could). The Styrofoam coffee cup nearby had long been spilled of its contents, as shown by the stain nearby, but it found a new purpose as he dumped each little shard of glass within it. The task was arduous and painful, but it was eventually completed, giving him a bleeding right arm that had next to no feeling other than pain in it.

Alcohol pads ran up and down his arm, and he bit on his lip, wanting to curse loudly for everyone to hear. The rest of the process was fairly easy and he soon had it all bandaged up, stitches not being needed for such small wounds. Still, the pain was still fresh and searing, so he grabbed for whatever pain alleviator was in the kit.

Don held up a small, plastic packet, '… Advil..? What's that supposed to do for me?'

The pill-pack was thrown over his shoulder in disappointment, forcing him to reach a hand to the glove compartment and unlock it. Several "items" fell out, but he only took a small prescription bottle full of round, white pills. Most of the items weren't even his, but the real owner wouldn't mind him borrowing anything. Don chuckled to himself, swallowed a pill, pocketed the bottle, and stuffed the rest of the items back in the compartment. His left hand ran over his other arm, losing himself in the thought of what had happened until he heard a familiar voice.

"Don?"

Don lifted his head abruptly and stared at the man a few meters away, "The hell? Who is you?"

Will spoke, shielding his eyes from the setting sun, "It's Will, man."

"How the hell did you get here? You stalking me? Get out of here, stalker."

"I barely even played that game. How the fuck did you get your car all the way down here?"

Don attempted to open the door, only for it to fall off its hinges and crash to the floor. He twisted his body and let his legs out of the car, "I don't even know. Man, this is going to make my insurance a serious pain in the ass."

Will stepped around the obliterated hood and offered his hand to the bleeding Don, "Dude, your arm is fucked, your car is fucked."

"Eh, for serious? Could've fooled me. I better get rid of some of the shit in here before I call those bloodsuckers."

There was a brief laugh from Will, "Always with the sarcasm." There was a pause as he glanced about, "Ain't no fuckin' service out here."

"Hey," Don said as he was helped up by his friend, "get anything suspicious that you see in the glove and stick it in a bag or something, ight? I gotta check the damage at the trunk and get rid of some stuff." He then began to walk around, leaving Will to his business.

Will nodded and waved absently before seating himself in the car. Bits of broken glass dug into him and he cursed, wiping the seat off before reaching over to the glovebox and popping it open.

"Fuck, man. Contraband all over the fucking place."

Marijuana, pills, and a .38 snub nose lay scattered inside the small space and Will removed the small six-shooter gently, setting it down on his thigh. Out came the baggy of weed and pill bottle next and Will, looking around for a container of some sort, called out to Don.

"Yo! You got a bag or some shit back there? I got nothing up here."

Don lifted his head from the trunk, hitting his head in the process, "FUCK!" He rubbed it tenderly and tossed Will a black plastic bag, "Yeah, knock yourself out."

Catching the bag was easy enough and Will dumped the items into it, cursing as the occasional shard of glass bit into him.

"Fucking glass."

The aforementioned material cracked underfoot as Will stepped out of what had once been a coupe, wrapping the bag tightly in the process. His eyes traveled along the ridges of the quarry, finding nothing but dust and tumbleweeds.

His voice seemed quiet in the vast expanse of rock and dust, "Don, where the hell could we be?"

Heading back to the trunk, the person in question began to sort out all of the items there were. Nothing that could get him in trouble was around, thankfully, and only his emergency supplies were scattered about. Despite being for emergencies, there were quite a few boxes lying about, each with different things he assumed he'd need in any given situation. Some clothing, canned food (he despised that stuff), water, medical supplies, and a few basic tools in case he needed them. Taking note of everything, he finally pulled out what he just noticed.

"Huh. Maybe I can..."

Don accidentally launched a flare into the sky, startling both of them and making a loud bang.

"Not sure," he said, rubbing his ears, "but someone's bound to find us. Hell, I'm surprised you're even anywhere near me right now."

Will jumped, "Jesus!" He watched as the flare crested into the sky, "Well, that oughta attract attention."

"Hell yeah. Now, stash that stuff somewhere."

Will waved his hand again, "Yeah, yeah." He slipped the bag under his jacket and lodged it between his belt and stomach "That'll do for now." He shifted, "Damn uncomfortable though."

Don rummaged further for a bit longer and gave up, finding nothing that could incriminate him of a crime. Lucky for him. He put away the flare gun and took out his Blackberry, checking for service.

"Nothing. We're going to die."

"Great. What now?"

"Wait and die?"

Will laughed, "Always the optimist. We could start by climbing out of this hole."

"Yeah, I guess we should. Better grab some stuff and find the closest town." He stopped and thought for a moment, "Hey, aren't you supposed to be a few hundred miles north of here?"

"Very funny." Will looked over the supplies "We can't carry all of this shit. We don't even know where the nearest town is. The fuck are we doing here anyway?"

"Beats me." Don grabbed his backpack and dumped the contents back into the trunk. He grabbed a book that fell out, opened to a random page, and began reading, "Despite differences, both state and federal courts are more apt to manage the pretrial discovery and settlement process more proactively. Althou-" He threw it back into the backpack, "Fuck that."

Will watched the book vanish into the bag, "Hey man, you wanted to take the summer courses."

"God, what a pain in the ass..." Don grabbed some canned food, water, and other things he would need for the walk. He reached into the clothing box and grabbed a thick jacket, "You cold?"

"Yeah. Goddam Cameroonian jackets."

The older man laughed, "Oh hell yeah, DipSet!" Don threw him a jacket and procured one for himself. "Don't worry," Don pulled out an industrial flashlight from the trunk, "we're good, I think."

A beam of yellow light shot from the flashlight, blinding Will, "Get that shit outta my face."

Don aimed it away and towards the edge of the quarry, "Let's go, then?"

Another gust of freezing wind swept the quarry and Will nodded, "Lead the way."

They began walking along the dirt, "So, how'd you end up in what I'm hoping is Jersey?"

Will looked surprised, "Jersey? I'm hoping Alberta." The beam of the flashlight broke over the rocks as Will fought to remember, "I don't really know. Shit is really fucked right now."

"I think I'm starting to rememb-" His face turned sour, "Well fuck."

"Well, this great. I wake up in a bush with no memory and we might as well be in the goddam Zone." Slight nervousness was beginning to creep into Will's voice.

"I'm more pissed with how I ended up here." Don muttered, "Let's see... Party, bathroom, weave, cleaning, my boy telling me to do something... Then I was driving to stop my other boy from dying in a drunken crash... What else..? Ah. I'm pretty sure I got merced by a truck after some jackass nearly hit me."

"Weave? I know nothing of it." Will shoved his hands into his pocket and began to climb the nearest path, "Well, I suppose it doesn't really matter in the end. We're the victims, we didn't do shit, right? People will be pumped to see us alive and well."

"Except for the guy that nearly killed me. His ass is going to get sued to hell and back once I get my hands on him." Don began scaling the edge of the quarry, "Seriously, what the fuck was that? Who hits a nigga like that? I wouldn't."

Will, climbing the incline with his friend, laughed, "What if he was driving to save his boy from dying in a drunken crash?"

He snorted in response, "Screw him, I'm more important than any friend of his. More important than his mom."

"Hey man, don't bring his mother into this." Will added with mirth as he reached the top of the quarry, reaching back to help the injured Don, "How's the arm?"

"Hurts. Probably shouldn't be doing this, but I'm half-invincible, so yeah, I'm really fucking cool and it doesn't hurt. Still hurts, though."

Will nodded, most of his attention on the forest ahead of them. The duo had climbed the side opposite to where Will had come from. Suddenly, a thought struck the younger man, "Hey, if you got hit by a truck, where's the damn road?"

"Huh. Didn't think about that. Maybe we've entered through a tear in the Noosphere and ended up somewhere else."

"Damn. If only. That'd be a badass part to add to this already badass story." Will pointed at the forest, "Should we go in there or..." His finger swept sideways and towards a grassier area, leading up to the mountains, "...there?"

"I'm not climbing a mountain with a cut up arm. Let's check the forest and see if there's anything on the other side." Don looked deeper into the forest and directed his light into it, "Agreed?"

Creepy branches and trunks looked back at the two and Will nodded hesitantly "Alright. If we get lost in there though, it won't be a fun time for either of us."

"Don't worry," Don puffed his chest, "I'll defend you from any rapists."

"Fuck off. Rapists in a forest, real likely."

Don began walking, "Well, enjoy meeting them as I walk away and become a hero on the news for surviving such a tragic accident."

Will followed, "And lose your piff? I hardly think so. Besides, we both know that they'd go for you first."

"With this incredibly sexy body? Highly likely. But!" He stopped and turned now that they were in the thick of the forest, "I still got this to defend myself!" Don pulled out the flaregun from his backpack and began fiddling with it, "How the- What the fuck do you-"

Something reached Will's ears and he put a hand against Don's chest "Quiet man! You fucking hear that?"

Don fell silent and the two listened as the sound of growling grew progressively louder. Will's face drained of color and Don scrabbled with the flashlight, sending scattered beams of light around the forest.

"Fuck man, fuck!" Will's voice came in hissed whispers as he spun around in search of where the noise was originating from.

Don calmed down and shrugged, "It's probably a dog, dawg! Now shut up and let me work this shi-"

A flare was suddenly launched from the gun and flew through a bush. A massive fire was ignited as some type of creature roared and screamed in agony as it was lit up like an oil barrel. It thrashed around, trying to find something to put out the fire that caused it so much pain and misery, but it found no such thing. In only a few moments, as both of them watched, it fell to the floor in a black heap of burnt fur and meat.

Don looked at the flaregun, "... Huh. So that's how it works..."

Will gripped both sides of his head, "Sweet fuckin' Jesus! You just iced a fucking bear or some shit!"

"Oh no…" Don motioned to further into the forest, "Park cops! Going to catch and jail us for this shit!"

"Ain't no fuckin' park authorities here! Oh shit, oh shit!"

"Let's leave! Now!"

So they ran off, getting away from the charred body of the creature they accidentally set on fire. And the world kept turning.

* * *

**Stillmatic**

Hah, I never thought I'd see the day I'd make a self-insert, let alone one with another author. Ah yes, the shit me and Will come up with. If it isn't obvious, my name's Don, as shown here. The reason I ended up there is actually based on real-life events. Yup, one of my boys drove away from a party drunk, I chased after, and nearly got turned into tomato paste by a truck as a result. Did I actually get hit? Thankfully, no. My mad steering skillz saved my dumbass self before it happened. Just, please, don't bring up the part about the weave. I still get nightmares about that. The illegal shit in my car is actually there in the glove right now, and because the cops can't check shit because it's locked and they'd need a warrant, I have no fear! Reasons as to why it's there? I let one of my boys borrow my car every now and then, and he leaves shit behind because he's an ass.

Anyway, there'll be an update to Stasis soon, if that's what you're wondering. This is just something to change the pace and get back into the flow alongside Will. Well, that's all I got to say for now.

As Always,

Stay Trilla.

* * *

**Lucius Seneca**

****So here we are. The end of the downward spiral, inevitably leading into a self insert of terrible proportions. Don and Will, stuck in Equestria, shit will be cray. If anyone didn't already know, that's my name: Will.

Anyway, I ain't got much to say. Enjoy this shit.

* * *

**P.S.A.- Public Service Announcement **

****[1:32:15 AM] Stillmatic: That's the icicle one  
[1:32:20 AM] Will: We need some mining characters  
[1:32:23 AM] Stillmatic: Stalagmite is the up  
[1:32:35 AM] Stillmatic: Rocky Road?  
[1:32:53 AM] Will: Thats ice cream, Chunk.  
[1:33:05 AM] Stillmatic: ITS THE STIFF  
[1:33:11 AM] Stillmatic: HE'S GOT A STIFF  
[1:33:14 AM] Stillmatic: SHOOT HIM  
[1:33:21 AM] Will: YOU GUYS, IM LOCKED IN HERE WITH THE STIFF  
[1:33:22 AM] Stillmatic: Oh mongoose  
[1:33:39 AM] Stillmatic: IM LOCKED IN HERE WITH THE STIFF AND HES GOT A STIFF  
[1:33:49 AM] Stillmatic: Oh wait, that's a Baby Ruth  
[1:33:53 AM] Will: AND ITS POKING MY STIFF  
[1:33:54 AM] Stillmatic: False alarm guys


	2. Chapter 2

**Two G's in a Pod**

**Chapter 2: Nightly Escapades  
**

**By: Stillmatic and Lucius Seneca**

* * *

Don and Will sprinted through the forest, smashing into branches and tripping over roots constantly, the very thought of park police pursuing them causing them to run faster. Will dodged around a tree, only to catch a low-lying branch on the bridge of his nose.

"FUCK!"

He stumbled to his feet, blood coursing from his now bruised and aching nose. Don laughed hysterically at the scene and promptly tripped over a rock, sending him tumbling down a small dip in the forest floor and into a creek of sorts. Will, not seeing Don vanish from sight, quickly had his sneaker catch on a gnarled root and soon he too was soaking wet, lying face down in the glacial water. The two climbed to their feet, neither in very good shape, and climbed the opposing bank before continuing their stumbling run through the darkness of the forest, flashlight dropped somewhere behind them.

Eventually the two gasping men slowed and came to a stop. Will slid down the trunk of a nearby tree and hung his head, "Fuck...this...shit..."

Don leaned against a tree, "The fucks up with your breathing? Asthma?" Will nodded, "Sucks."

It took a few minutes, but they eventually managed to regain their breath and calm down enough to breathe regularly. Will stood up, nearly falling in the process, and leaned against the tree as well. His companion looked around for anything, specifically his flashlight, but found nothing of interest.

"Shit," Don cursed, "We have no way of finding a way through." He pulled out his Blackberry and turned on its light, "Other than this, I guess."

Will sighed tiredly and looked around, "Where to? I can't even remember where we came from."

"Let's see..." Don aimed the semi-bright light at the ground, looking for their trail. He pointed to the left, "We came from that way, so let's go opposite then?"

Will waved his hand in a circular motion "We...could be..." he took a deep breath "...going in fucking circles and not know it."

"Let's keep going, because no forest goes on forever." Don stopped and thought about that, "Well... actually, if you're in the Red Forest and you- Nevermind. Let's just get the hell up outta here."

The twosome continued walking opposite from where they assumed they came until very faint lights could be seen just past the tree line in front of them.

Don squinted, "You see that?"

Walking faster despite his asthma, Will nodded "Yeah. Might just be some wack hallucination though."

The other man kept up, "How the hell can it be a hallucination if I see it too? How does that even make sense?"

"You ever see that movie Kangaroo Jack?"

"Yeah, but we don't have some goddamn ostritch or emo or emu or whatever jumping around and doing backflips all over the place this time." Don commented, "Besides, I think only ONE of us is high right now."

Will shook his head, "Man, that white guy thought he was in an SUV in the desert, sipping on some ice cold beverage."

Don scoffed, "Because he was a filthy cracker is why! Always dreaming of getting into their cars and sipping all sorts of fine shit.

Not bothering to argue the subject any longer, the duo broke past the tree line, breathing a sigh of relief in the process. Will narrowed his eyes at the lights which seemed to flicker and glow "What is that shit man? I can't see anything."

Don held up his phone, "Not much for me either... except for that big ass light over there!"

He pointed to the bottom of the valley in front of them, where a massive lamp-like object towered over a town of sorts, illuminating the nearby area in a non-intrusive fashion. They both stared in awe at the sheer size of it and wondered why anyone would even want such a tacky thing in their town. That is, until they snapped out of it and looked at each other.

"You wanna go check that place out?" Don asked, "I'm still not getting reception, we don't have much of a choice and this snow doesn't really make for good sleeping grounds." Will nodded, "Alright then... Ladies first, bitch!"

Don forcefully shoved Will with his good arm, sending him onto the ground and down the snowy slope.

"You motherfu-" Will was probably cut off as he reached back and grabbed Don's ankle, sending them both into oblivion.

Don, in the split second before Will's fat ass dragged him down the slope, grimaced and yelped, "FUCK!"

He fell on his ass as Will dragged him down with him, sliding down the snow and rushing past multiple evergreens. Will was launched off of a small bank, sending him airborne. He slammed down onto Don as they screamed out in fear for their lives. The older man then grunted as he shoved his younger counterpart off and barely avoided a tree and an untimely death. A look of relief washed over Will's face as they eventually hit the bottom, coming to a stop and feeling cold once again.

Don stood up, "Huh. That went better than I thought. Thanks for dragging me down, you jackass."

Will wiped the slush from his face, "Fuck you, man. Look at this shit!" He gestured to the slush covering both of them "Fuckin' freezing! This is how hypothermia kills people."

Don just laughed at Will's angry tirade and they stood up, wiping the brown slush off their already soaked clothes. Neither cared much for their appearance any longer. Will's fairly long brown hair was twisted and matted with pine needles sticking out in some spots. Where his nose had connected with the branch, the skin had split and dried blood covered his face, mixing with slush and water, giving him the look of a man who had a good story to tell over a few beers.

Don fared slightly worse, arm still bleeding from the cuts. It was obvious the running and falling hadn't helped much. His dirty blonde hair was soaked, courtesy of melting snow and the previous stream. Their clothing was stained and soaked thoroughly, but neither seemed too bothered by the cold, perhaps from the adrenaline brought on by the running and sliding. Up ahead the town could be seen and the men limped towards it.

Will searched his pocket, finding his phone's touchscreen to be shattered. He pressed on the power button, sighed when nothing lit up, then tossed it aside in resignation, figuring it to be beyond repair. How Don's Blackberry had survived remained unknown, but Will was more focused on his aching ankle.

He looked over at Don and laughed suddenly, "You look like shit!"

Don shoved Will, "You're one to talk, ya ugly ass nigga." He gave a quick look to the town, "Shall we?"

"After you, sir."

"Bah," was all Don could reply with.

Both men began treading towards the nearby town, taking in its sights and overall design. The houses seems to be made of grey cobblestone or normal stone for the most part, which an exception of a log cabin every now and again. Smoke billowed out of various chimneys and all the stall were closed for the night. Grimy snow and slush cluttered the streets, which also seemed to be made of stone as opposed to black-top. They stopped at a two-story house made of a mix of timber and stone, nicely made and well-kept. Don squinted at the sign above the door and examined it, trying to understand the language.

"What... the fuck is that? I see some... Cyrillic? This is fucking Eastern Europe? We're fucking dead." He kept looking, "But what's that other shit? I've never seen that type of script before."

Will ran a hand down his neck as he looked at the sign "That's Greek, I think. Never seen the letters elongated like that before. Reminds me of calligraphy."

"Ew. I don't think you should be using the internet for that, you nasty ass son of a bitch."

"Hardy-fucking-har. It says 'to Stay'."

Don chuckled and pulled out his phone, "Gimme a minute, let me get down the phonetics here..." He then proceeded to decipher to the best of his ability, coming to one messed-up word, "Sss... Soom? Some? Wer... Were? Where?" He put two and two together to receive, "Somewhere? Somewhere To Stay?"

"That's really redundant." Will muttered.

"I was hoping the Cyrillic would say something like 'AAHH NOO CHEEKI BREEKI IV DAMKE!' Suppose we aren't lucky enough for that. What now?"

Will shrugged. "It sounds like a hotel or some shit." He looked at Don, "I don't have any money though."

Don smirked, "As Biggie Smalls once said, 'Who got your back? Who got the gat?' Don't worry," he pulled out a black leather wallet, "I got some ducats on me. Just don't expect to share a bed with me. If anything, you're going to sleep on the floor."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll have to pay you back." Something jabbed into Will's stomach and he grunted "Take your damn contraband. This shit is really fuckin' uncomfortable."

Don grabbed the bag of items and stuffed it into his backpack, "Baby. Come on, you first. I'd rather not attract too much attention in my current state."

Throwing his hands up in another bout of resignation, Will pushed open the door, ducked his head under the strangely small doorway, and entered the heated lobby of the small inn. A fire burned with quiet crackles nearby and a desk, built into the stone wall, faced the dancing flames. Will, still not looking anywhere near reputable, glanced around for the man or woman who should have been manning the desk.

His eyes froze on the small figure in the middle of the room. It would have looked like a miniature horse except for the fact that a horn sprouted from its forehead. There was a light swishing as the... thing swept the floor with a broom, with its back turned to the visitors. Will pulled back his head and whispered to Don who was just entering.

"What the fuck..."

Don's face contorted into disgust, "Who let a goddamn animal into a place like this? This is where people supposedly sleep!"

The thing whirled, a faint light glowing around the horn. Will backed up in response, seeing both anger and surprise on the grey animal's face.

"Let's fucking go man! That ain't no normal animal!" Will's voice had turned into a tremulous hiss

Don halted him, "WAIT! There has to be something up here! Some nigga is manning the station and we're about to get at 'em and get a damn room!" He stomped his right Adidas on the floor, eliciting a wince from the animal nearby, "I'm fucking wet, I'm tired, I'm bleeding, and I'm hungry as hell right now! And in case you didn't notice," he added, "we got nowhere to go for god's sake!"

Will opened his mouth to reply, but another voice cut him off, "Just who the heck are you two?"

Both men froze and looked over at the horse in front of them. Their eyes widened at the sight of its lips moving, forming the words they heard. "Actually, what are you? Why are you in my establishment?"

Will looked back at Don, "Did it...Did it just...?"

Don's face fell and a distraught look crossed it, "... Dear god, I hope I'm hallucinating off those two percs I took..."

"I have no words," replied Will, his face ashen.

"Oh," Don whispered back, "I was hoping you had some sort of idea of why this thing just ta-"

"What are you two? Never seen the likes of you before."

They looked at each other, yelled in fear, and bolted out the door, letting it slam loudly and echo across the block. Without any hesitation, both kept running until another horse thing appeared nearby, strolling in a care-free manner across the street.

"Good god, what's coming to the world?" The older man muttered loudly.

The horse turned to them and backed up in a mix of shock and curiosity, "Sweet Celestia... Are you two those Diamond Dogs who were temping?"

Will shrieked, "The horror! The horror!"

They backed up while the stallion gained back his confidence and started walking towards them nonchalantly, "You know, it's really great you guys are so willing to help us out now and again. We may be able to locate those gems, but geez, you guys can dig through stone like nopony's business!"

Don poked his companion and spoke in a hurried whisper, "Let's dip! Now!"

Will made random gestures with his hands towards the stallion "Jewels! Y- yeah, that's what we're doing!"

Before the stallion could reply, the two men had already left, sprinting down the lit street, one hobbling from an injured ankle and the other cradling his arm. Will gasped for breath, mind racing as his legs pumped.

Will gasped for breath, mind racing as his legs pumped in an uncoordinated manner. Don ran next to him, eyes wide and hair flung back as the duo made for the forest and valley once again, unable to understand just what they had gotten themselves into this time. They ignored a mare trotted past them, calling out with a hoof to her mouth.

"Great work yesterday! We really owe you guys!"

Don waved in a dismissive manner, probably not even hearing what the pony had said. Will clutched his face as his mouth hung upon, "We're tripping acid, we're tripping acid!"

Don shook his head frantically, "I didn't take any!"

"Me neither!"

Will tripped on a piece of debris and was sent hurling forward and into the back of a cart, his weight knocking the rudimentary transportation from the blocks which kept it from rolling down the incline of the cobblestone street. It rolled forward and Will let out a flurry of curses as Don also threw himself into the wooden vehicle, perhaps thinking Will had formulated a plan to escape from the nightmare quicker.

The wheels spun faster as the additional weight sent it speeding down the hill. Will yelled loudly, "Jesus! Take the wheel!"

Don's legs hung out the back of the open wagon and he pulled them in desperately as the wagon gained speed, smashing through barrels and other miscellaneous objects on the sidewalks. The cobblestones underneath the wagon clicked as the wagon rolled over them, sounding like someone had set off a string of firecrackers beneath the two men.

Will gripped the front of the wagon and peered over and down the steep street "We went the wrong way!"

"Well, FUCK!"

Don's yell was mixed in with the shouting and calling as more and more residents piled out from their houses, intent on finding what had awoken them from their early slumbering. They watched as the two humans sped past, no more than a blur of wooden planks and wild hair. Will, still gripping the wagon, watched as the street dipped and rose, become bumpier and hazardous. Don managed to get into a sitting position and joined Will at the front just in time to see the street dip and rise once more, creating a cobblestone ramp of sorts. Will let out a gasp alongside his companion, who looked fairly frightened.

They cried out in unison, "OH, SHIT!"

The wagon was flung into the air as it hit the ramp. Both men clutched feebly to the wooden planks, but Will, not able to hold on, was launched from the wagon and flung away from Don who looked on in amazement and horror as Will cruised through the night sky in slow motion. The airborne high-schooler waved his arms and legs as weightlessness set in, but before he could appreciate the feeling, he slammed into a rooftop, toppled over the apex of the thatch roofing, and slid off the other side, landing with a loud thud several feet below.

Don, mind still operating in slow motion, turned his head away from the scene and watched as the wagon collided with the ground, splintering and hurling him forward like a ragdoll. Bits of wood, wheels, and nails flew by as Don was sent skidding across the slushy street, slamming hard into the side of a wall, allowing a large chunk of icy snow to slid from the roof above him and onto his body. He looked up in wonderment as the chunk of hard-packed snow struck him in the face and torso.

Will groaned in agony as he grasped onto a window sill for support, lifting himself just barely off the ground. He fell down and rolled over, gasping in pain as he crawled over to Don, who stopped moving a few moments ago. Will shook his friend into wakefulness after a few nudges and both winced from the pain. Don grasped at his head, feeling unwelcome warmth dripping down and dying the snow crimson.

"... Ouch..." was all he managed before slumping against the nearest object, that being a barrel.

Will prodded him again, "The pills man..."

Don shoved his hand into his right pocket and snatched out the bottle in question, unscrewing it and giving two to Will, and the same for himself.

He held them up, "Cheers."

"Cheers..." Will muttered.

They both downed the pills and waited for the effects to kick in. Several horses came by, watching in curiosity as both men set down against a stone house, waiting for pain alleviation. A horse with a faintly purple mane and a silvery coat that, surprisingly enough, shined in the light of the streets, stepped up to the two men and cocked her head to the side. They looked back at her in slight aggravation and sat there, unmoving but writhing in pain.

Don, as far as he could tell in his state, assumed there was a large cut on his head, and judging by the enormous pain he received with every breath, concluded a rib or two had been broken by the heavy snow chunk. Will's shoulder popped out in a less-than-likable fashion while his ankle throbbed and swelled rapidly.

The unicorn finally spoke, "Uh... What are you two?"

Neither responded, but the stallion from earlier did, "Oh, I was speaking to them just a minute ago. They're the temps."

She gave him a look, "Them? The temps? Are you sure about that?"

Don snorted, "Fuck it, let's get outta here now."

Will nodded, "Right."

Don stood up shakily rested against the building for a moment before grabbing onto Will's hands and pulling him up as well. The horses watched as their teamwork furthered, with Don slinging Will's arm over his shoulder to remove the weight off of his sprained ankle. They both bit their lips as aching pangs ran through their respective wounds. Slowly, both men moved away from the small crowd, with the female from earlier following closely. The other horses seemed to dissipate and head back into their homes.

They looked back at her and Will spoke up, "What?"

Don gave him a look, "Don't talk to the hallucination, that's the first step to mental disease... I think."

The unicorn frowned, "You two can't keep walking around like that all night. You have to treat those, you know. Even Diamond Dogs can't heal that quick."

"Diamond Dogs..." Will muttered.

"I wish we'd just find a god damn hospital or some shit. Hell, I bet we could fix this shit ourselves. Well, maybe not the broken rib, but you know what I mean."

"Do you, uh..." She stopped, looking for the right word, "'Guys' want me to take you to the clinic? It's not far."

Will leaned heavily against Don "You talk to it. I don't want any goddam mental disease."

Feeling exhaustion set in even deeper despite the drugs, Don nodded tiredly "Yeah, a clinic sounds damn good right about now."

The unicorn smiled somewhat awkwardly "Well, it's just down the hill which is lucky for you two."

"Diamond Dogs..." Will muttered under his breath once again.

"I'm Mica, the leading geologist here." replied the unicorn as she began to walk, leading the limping humans as fast as she could given their current state. In fact, if it hadn't been for the percs, neither men would be going anywhere, let alone walking. Will, asthma still present, replied to the introduction with a leaden tone.

"Will... I'm Will and this is-"

"Don."

Mica smiled happily, aiding the two men as they walked slowly down the cobblestone streets and towards what appeared to be the clinic. It was a squat building, able to accommodate a small number of patients at any given time. A shingled roof and stone walls gave the building a less-than-cheery appearance, but neither Don nor Will cared much, far too concerned about their injuries. Mica appeared to be talking, but Will wasn't concentrating very hard on her and remained focused on the clinic mere feet away.

Don wasn't much different, stumbling along as he aided the gimped Will. Neither had been able to grasp the sudden events with much clarity and the events remained muddled. Just where were they? Why were animals talking? These were but a few of many questions which tumbled through the duos brains.

* * *

**Stillmatic**

Truth be told, my Cyrillic is pretty rusty. Sometimes I wonder why I ever gave up learning that shit, but oh well. Anyway, neither of us are in Ponyville, obviously. I don't got much shit to say.

As Always,

Stay Trilla.

* * *

**P.S.A. Public Service Announcement**

[10:02:40 PM] Will:Who's starting this shit off?  
[10:02:46 PM] Stillmatic: Me I guess  
[10:02:58 PM] Will: We can rock paper scissors if you'd like.  
[10:03:05 PM] Stillmatic: Ight  
[10:03:08 PM] Stillmatic: 1  
[10:03:09 PM] Stillmatic: 2  
[10:03:16 PM] Stillmatic: 3  
[10:03:17 PM] Stillmatic: Paper  
[10:03:21 PM] Stillmatic: Fuck  
[10:03:26 PM] Will: Fuck.  
[10:03:29 PM] Stillmatic: 1  
[10:03:31 PM] Stillmatic: 2  
[10:03:34 PM] Stillmatic: 3  
[10:03:35 PM] Stillmatic: Paper  
[10:03:36 PM] Will: rock  
[10:03:38 PM] Stillmatic: Hah  
[10:03:39 PM] Will: FUCK  
[10:03:45 PM] Stillmatic: Didn't expect me to pick it twice, huh?


	3. Chapter 3

**Two G's in a Pod**

**Chapter 3: Where the Miners Roam  
**

**By: Stillmatic and Lucius Seneca**

* * *

The dastardly duo were lying down for almost an hour, waiting for some kind of doctor to come in and assist them. Yet, no one came. Mica was sitting nearby, reading a magazine on gemstones while they checked their own wounds. Then, the door opened, revealing a green unicorn stallion with a serpent rod tattoo on its flank. It pulled a clipboard to its face, sighed, rolled its eyes, and glared at the two.

"Alright, you bozos, what the hell happened to your dumbflanks?" Will flipped him off while Don proceeded to laugh, "Dirty Dogs... Come on, tell me what's wrong so I can get to boning my wife already."

Will grinned, a bit high of the painkillers, "Already beat you to it!"

"Oh snap!" Don and him high-fived. "Gotcha!"

The doctor went deadpan, "Funny. Now hurry your flanks up and spit it out."

Don pointed to his chest, "Gotta few broken thingies there and a cut up on my head too."

"Sprained ankle and dislocated shoulder," Will mentioned, tenderly touching the area.

"Blah, blah, blah, just shut up and let me do my job already. Sit back, don't say a thing, and if it hurts, who cares?"

The doctor's horn lit and he began working on them.

* * *

Will groaned loudly as he came to. His entire body seemed to throb angrily at the fact that he had awakened. It was painfully obvious that the painkillers had worn off and Will, feeling as if a car had hit him, sat up, rubbing at his aching shoulder. He pushed the sheets off his body, feeling far too warm for his own liking and proceeded to look around, spotting Don several feet away, sitting up in bed and flicking cotton balls towards a nearby basin with a tongue depressor.

The cotton swabs, being fairly light, usually flew off track and landed on the floor, but the occasional one was sent hurtling into the basin without a sound. Will watched, still dressed in his clothes from the night before. He looked a state, greasy hair, crumpled clothing, and a general look of homelessness haunted his complexion.

His tongue seemed to work far more slow than it usually did "Dude...I am so fuckin' pooched."

Don paused in his game and looked over with a confused expression "That word..." He shook his head "...sounds so fucking weird."

Don looked in bad shape and he fought to scratch at the stitches in his forehead, distracted by the pony they had met, Mica, as she walked in the door, her face dirty and smudged.

"Hey! How's everypony feeling?"

The two humans looked at her "Shitty."

Will looked at her "Everypony? You mean everybody?"

Mica shook her head "Nope, I mean everypony. Never heard of 'everybody'."

"Where the hell are we?" Don cut in, no longer amused by his cotton swab game.

"Somewhere!" Mica replied happily, suggesting that she had had a good day.

Will scrunched his face up "We know that, but where exactly?"

Mica laughed, taking a seat by the door "You're in Somewhere! That's what the town is called!"

Don lay back on his pillows "Somewhere..." He took in Mica's appearance "And where have you been? Playing in a damn muddle puddle I bet."

"For your information, I was busy with the other miners! We found a huge cache of coal!"

"Coal! Oh, how amazing!" Will said with sarcasm dripping from his tongue.

Don started throwing used syringes into the basin while wearing gloves, "Yeah, coal is some serious shit. Back in my day, we'd work sixteen- No! Twenty hour work days just to mine coal and get a nickel. We had it good back then."

Mica's face brightened even more as she gasped loudly, "REALLY? You used to mine coal too?"

He coughed in response, "It's the Black Lung... I got it from too much smoke..."

Will turned his head away, covering his snickers "He was quite the demolition expert too. Hailed by his subordinates!"

"Aye. They called me Tavish. Tavish DeGroot. I lost meh eye hunting the Loch Ness Hamster."

Now doubled over with laughter, Will clutched his aching shoulder as he chuckled loudly, ignoring Mica's cold stare "Very funny you two. Now, just who are you guys?"

Don threw a syringe past Will's head, "I'm the superior gangster of all time, Don. This nigga is Willard Esquire Ted the third. Twice removed, of course. We're pretty important."

"Very important indeed." Willard added, hurling a pillow towards Don.

Don caught it and dropped several syringes, which nearly hit his crotch, "Huh. Anyway, where the fuck is this Somewhere place, anyway?"

Mica regained her burst of happiness at the name of her home town, "It's in the Great North, duh! Stalliongrad's to the East of here, and Dodge Junction is somewhere to the Mild West. That's about all there is for a while, really."

Will leaned back into the pillows and folded his hands together "So, Don, looks you were right. Eastern Europe! Goddam, nigga! This is some royally fucked up shit."

Mica shook her head "No, no! STALLION-GRAD! Not 'Stalingrad'!"

"You have your names mixed up, buddy." Will retorted

"Wait, wait, wait! How the fuck did she know what Stalingrad is if we aren't where we think we used to be are and is when we are were then before but not now? Huh?"

"Everything you said made no fucking sense to me. Paradox?"

"What? No, I left them back in the car with the other clothes. I didn't think I'd need them."

Shaking his head with a loud sigh, Will returned to Mica, "So, what's the damage? How much do we owe that asshole doctor?"

Mica's mood turned slightly negative, "Well... maybe a couple hundred bits? He overcharges a lot towards Dogs and anyone who isn't a unicorn."

Don patted his back pocket, "Does he take credit card? What about flare guns?"

Will pointed at Don "You keep that goddam flare gun. Saved our lives. And speaking of guns..." He turned his attention back to Mica "Where'd all our stuff go? We need it back."

The unicorn shrugged, "Eh."

Don's brow furrowed, "Oy vey. I need that backpack, ya know. That has some high-profile stuff in there." He threw another syringe at a medical poster of a pony's intestinal tract, "Ugh... Fucking hungry..."

Mica smiled "We have a small cafeteria, if you two are up to a walk, that is."

"You got showers too? I need a shower." Will cut in, running a hand through his tangled hair.

"You betcha!"

Will looked over at Don "You down?"

"I want a damn cheeseburger. Or maybe a finely seasoned steak, well-done, with some mashed potatoes and fried asparagus on the side." He shrugged, "Yeah, why not? Hope they take bills though."

Getting off the cot proved slightly more difficult than anticipated and Will, aided by Mica, climbed down, ankle burning with dulled pain. Don joined the two, holding his side tenderly. Breathing wasn't too much of a struggle anymore, but it still sent irregular jolts of pain up Don's abdomen on occasion. The ragtag trio slowly made their way through several halls, watched by other patients with wide eyes. Eventually, the identifiable doors of a cafeteria could be seen and they pushed through them.

It would be pure ignorance to say that such an amazing entrance didn't gather the attention of everyone in the room, who suddenly looked at the group in interest. Mica led them to the food line, where they waited for only a minute. She seemed to order some oddities while the two humans were left confused as to what to get, let alone what was even edible.

Don looked at the food displayed in front of him, "Yeeeah... I'll take a small pizza, jalapeño peppers on there."

The lunchmare behind the glass divider immediately produced it without hesitation, "Hah! Not many get that kinda food! That'll be five bits."

He patted his pockets and grabbed something, holding a paperclip mysteriously, "Oooohhooo! I'll trade you this mystical trinket for the pizza!"

She smirked, "That's a darn paperclip, ya fool. But seein' as though yer' funny, I'll let this one slide. On the house!"

"You're a G, you know that?"

"Well, that's what I'm called Gemera, after all. Go on, now, get on outta here. And keep yerself outta trouble, ya hear?"

Don waved as he met Mica by the end of line, "Word, I'll try. Keep it trilla."

Will limped forward, pointing at the pizza "I'll have the same, minus the jalapeños. Never been a big spice fan anyway.

Gemera looked quizzically at the new human, "And how are ya gonna pay?"

Hands waving around mystically, Will smiled "Watch." He formed two circles with his index and thumb fingers "Two circles, see?"

Gemera nodded, fixated on the fingers, digits which she was completely unfamiliar with. Will reached behind his head, whispered some broken latin under his tongue, and brought his hands back into sight, showing that both the circles were now connected. Gemera looked impressed and served the magician his food, all the while Will attempted not to laugh at the scam.

He moved towards Mica and Don who were sitting nearby and pulled up a chair, seating himself tiredly "So what's the dealio? What the fuck happened to us, bro?"

Don grabbed some hot sauce and red-pepper, throwing them onto his pizza as well, "I'll tell you what happened. We got to the Zone. Now we're going to avoid the Military, try not to get raped by female bloodsuckers, and find enough loot to buy us a flight back home. Sound good?"

Will nodded and spoke past a mouthful of dough and cheese "Do those things actually rape you? I thought they were blind or something."

"Nah, the dogs are blind, the bloodsuckers'll take for a ride though... Eugh..."

Mica gave them looks before taking a bit out of a hay-cake, "What on Earth are you two talking about?"

"Real shit. Some really real shit." Will replied with a half-grin.

Don leaned back in his seat and stared off into space, "I remember my first time with a bloodsucker... Clever bastard was all like 'roar', and I was like 'pew-pew.'" He sighed, "Good times..."

Mica shook her head "You are outta your minds. Anyway, you'll probably have to work to pay off your bills." She looked at Don, "Paperclips aren't gonna cut it."

"Shit. I still have my masculine charm and stellar looks. What'll that get me?"

"Probably a stallion in bed, if you're lucky," she responded.

"Uh... how about no?"

The unicorn shrugged, "Suit yourself, but you're going to need jobs."

"Ugh. What a pain in the ass." Will muttered, pushing the pizza crust around with his finger "Nobody'll hire us though."

"I'm sure some guy'll pay for a night with you, bro. You know, a blind one who has no feeling in his body," Don retorted.

Mica spoke up, "I could try getting you two jobs, ya know."

Will pointed at Don, "Zip your fucking lid." He turned to Mica, "Yeah? Where?"

"Mad."

The unicorn ignored the older human and grinned, "At the Mine of course! Where else would Diamond Dogs work? I mean, you guys are literally the BEST when it comes to digging gems and coal out, right? Plus, it'll only take a week or two's pay to get the debt settled."

"Diamond Dogs. Yes, we are the dogs." Will rolled his eyes, but paused after a moment, "Well, since we are the best and all that, how much is the pay again?"

Mica beamed a smile at the question, "Eighteen bits an hour! You'll be able to pay off those four hundred bits each in no time!"

Don nodded "Alright. When do we start?"

"Well, I can ya workin' today if you want! There's ATLEAST five or six hours' worth of work left in the day, and it'll only take you one to teach you the basics. But you two don't need that right? You're Diamond Dogs, you already know this stuff."

Don smirked, "We need a refresher course. We aren't like other Dawgs, we need to use tools and all that other good shit to be productive. We're more evolved and shit."

Head clasped in resignation, Will groaned "Yes, let's go enjoy a six hour shift in the caves with sweaty dogs and fuckin' heavy pickaxes." He directed his voice towards Mica "I can't be doing much heavy work, my ankle is fucked up like a motherfucker."

Don began using a plastic knife to flick rolled up balls of napkin at unsuspecting ponies nearby, "I'm good as long as I don't need to bend all that much. Or if I get some painkillers. Whichever's first, man."

Will chuckled "Where dat piff at? I could use a joint or two."

The other man smiled and shrugged, "Wherever my backpack is. Gotta find tha-" He looked down and grabbed something, lifting it up, "Oh. Here it is."

"Lady Luck is a sneaky bitch." said Will with a laugh, standing up, "Well, show us to the showers and we'll get ready for some high class mining."

Don stopped him there, "Wait, why would we shower just to get all smelly and dirty? We might as well get that shit over with, then shower."

Will nodded understandingly "Kill two birds with one stone. I dig, I dig."

Mica stood up, "Ready, then? I'll show you around the Somewhere Mine and we'll get you two situated at the Miner's quarters. It's free if you work there, so take advantage of it until you can get a place to stay. Now, come on! We got some digging to do!"

* * *

Will sat on a small bunk, wrapping bandages over his swollen ankle. They wouldn't help much, but the layers of bandages would provide some minimal ankle support and protection from the elements. The younger man was now dressed in a baggy t-shirt and a thin, tan jacket lay across his lap, stained and stitched in several places, but there were several large pockets to help with carrying gems and other rare minerals.

Cargo pants were next. Color matching the jacket, they bagged out over the top of the heavy work boots, and Will, finished with his wrapping, pulled on his boot, and turned attention to the nearby kits, one for both Don and himself.

Don opened the kit and found various doo-dads and objects that they'd need for their shifts. A pickaxe, some sort of mini-shovel, a mining helmet, batteries, rope, various hooks, and other objects that were apparently necessary to become miners. He threw on the outfit and strapped his equipment to his body, taking care not to put pressure on his still-healing ribs.

He looked at Will, "You ready?"

Will patted his chest, making sure everything was secure, "Let's go."

The two stepped out from the miners quarters which were, in all reality, ramshackle bunks surrounded by an equally ramshackle building. The yells of workers, chattering of miners, and the clanging of metal on rock rang through the wide cavern mouth. Don took the lead, Will stepping beside him as he slung the pickaxe over his shoulder wearily.

* * *

Don wiped the grime away from his face and lowered his pick to the ground. He glanced towards Will, who was wincing slightly at his ankle. Nearly a second later, a ringing went off from the outside of the mine, indicating that the shift was finally over. Don lifted the pick back up and they both headed out the shaft, passing various ponies and Dogs on the way. One pony in particular, a unicorn stallion, smiled happily at them.

"You're the new guys, right? How's your first day on the job? Fun, right?"

Don guffawed, "Fuck that."

Will snickered from behind his counterpart "Yeah, a blast."

The unicorn laughed agreeably "Well, it isn't the cleanest!" He extended his hoof "I'm Cole Train, one of the miners around here."

Don and Will took turns shaking the outstretched appendage somewhat awkwardly, each of them simply grasping the hoof and shaking it. Cole didn't seem the slightest bit bothered by the strange shake, suggesting that it was the norm for Diamond Dog and Equestrian interaction.

"I'm Don, this is Ill Will. Not the one that got killed in Brooklyn, that one is dead."

"I'm sorry to hear that," the pony responded.

They continued out of the mine shaft, and not surprisingly, no sunshine hit their faces. There was a murky, orange sunset just above the horizon. Below was the town, bustling at the last minutes of the day. Over to the right was the miner's quarters, which the two humans headed towards after waving goodbye to Cole Train. They went inside and soon found themselves getting rid of their gear and throwing it by their respective bunks.

Pulling his boots off proved difficult and Will grunted in pain, seeing that his ankle had swollen up, pressing against the tops of the footwear. He glanced over at Don who was rubbing his side tenderly.

"Where are the damn showers?"

Don raised his head at the sound of Will's voice "How the hell should I know? Probably back in town somewhere."

Just then, Mica walked in with a cheery smile, "How's it hanging? You got had a good day?" Both humans responded with a dismissive grunt, "Super! Anyway, you two up for those showers now?" They nodded, "Alright, let's just grab your bits-"

Don waved his hands, "Whoa, I'm an open-minded guy and all, but I'm into that chick."

"I meant the money," she stated in a deadpan manner, "Anyway, your day's pay is ninety-six bits each."

Will sighed loudly and pulled his boots back on "That's pretty good." He noticed Mica's straight face "Lighten up, Scrooge. He's playing."

Don's only response was a throaty chuckle as he joined Will in pulling on their respective footwear. Mica shrugged "Whatever, but you two stink. We'll pop into town, get your pay, and you can get yourselves cleaned up for tomorrow!"

The humans stood up wearily and followed Mica out, listening to her chatter as she spoke over her shoulder "The town is nice and all, but it's practically deserted in the mornings, probably 'cause all the miners have to wake up at five! They don't come out until their break at noon!"

They headed down a worn path with many different tracks on it, as Don spoke up, "Yeah, well, okay. I guess. And shit."

Mica gave him a strange look, "You talk funny, you know that? Most Diamond Dogs don't talk the way you two do."

The group hit the bottom and moved towards the town, where they eventually stopped at a fairly normal looking building, which they entered. Mica smiled once again and trotted with a spring in her step as she headed to the front desk and banged her hoof twice.

A raspy voice was heard and a royal blue head popped out from underneath the counter, "Quit it! I'm on my break!"

Mica rolled her eyes, "Hey Lapis! Me and these chuckle-heads are here for our pay for today!"

The mare, who seemed fairly older than Mica, looked the two humans up and down, "They're the temps?"

"Yup!"

"Well..." Lapis shrugged, "Okay, seems right." She produced several named bags and threw them onto the counter, "Grab 'em before I take 'em back and buy some booze with it. Celestia knows I need a drink..."

Will ran a hand over his dirty face "I am destined to be a temp forever."

"Yeah, not me though, nigga." said Don.

The younger man waved his hand, too tired to bother with a retort of any kind. Mica shook her head and passed the bags to the two humans, muttering a "Follow me." under her breath. Following Mica proved rather difficult for Will and he limped heavily in order to keep up with the healthy mare.

He looked over at Don who was only a foot or two ahead "Bro, what the hell is going on? Where the fuck are we?"

Don shrugged "I don't gotta clue. We'll talk about that shit later. Right now, I just want a shower."

Agreeing silently, Will and his other companions journeyed deeper into town, cutting past streets and vendors who hawked their wares relentlessly. An older stallion, grizzled and grey, called out from across the cobblestone street "I've got everything you need! And for cheap too!"

Mica waved him off and soon the trio was standing in front of their intended location.

Don sighed, "Let's just fucking get this done. I'm hungry."

They entered and walked past several different rooms before finally coming to what appeared to be a locker room. The steam from inside hit their faces and obscured some of their vision as well. Mica trotted in, looking back to say something as she did so.

"Come on, guys! Hot water won't last forever, ya know!"

Both humans didn't present any arguments and went through the doorway. Several figures could be made through the condensation, but they were mostly ignored. They soon came to a stop at a series of separated showers, where different miners and other ponies left and entered curtained ones. Will took his own shower and while Don took the one next to it.

He looked back as Mica entered and instantly laughed once before turning serious, "Get the fuck out."

She chuckled heartily and went to her own. After five or so minutes, each came out after getting dressed. The unicorn ended up shaking off all her moisture, letting it hit the two humans who shared frustrated looks. They left the building and proceeded to grab food, then headed back to the miner's quarters, where they finally received the rest they deserved.

* * *

**Stillmatic**

****Oh god. What's to become of them/us? Who gives a shit. Anyway, review, fave, I don't know, do some shit. My boy Will don't got shit to say, so that's it.

As Always,

Stay Trilla.

* * *

**P.S.A. Public Service Announcement**

[4:46:56 PM] William Hoffe: Here, have a symphony.  
[4:47:21 PM] Stillmatic: Okay  
[4:47:33 PM] William Hoffe: It's called "Understand Words Better" it's in the key of B minor 7  
[4:47:37 PM] William Hoffe: Enjoy  
[4:47:45 PM] Stillmatic: I have one too  
[4:47:47 PM] Stillmatic: It's called  
[4:47:59 PM] Stillmatic: "Will is Maurice the Neko Cat Man"  
[4:48:22 PM] William Hoffe: I can never win with you.  
[4:48:28 PM] Stillmatic: Such is life  
[4:48:34 PM] William Hoffe: in Skype**  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**Two G's in a Pod**

**Chapter 4: Occupational Hazards  
**

**By: Stillmatic and Lucius Seneca**

* * *

Will slammed the pickaxe into the rock in front of him. He had had boring jobs before, but nothing compared to the meaningless and mundane task at hand. His mind had nearly mutated into a numb state of robotic movements and repetition. Don was nearby, as usual. The two were usually together, most times calling themselves the "Dynamic Duo"

It was slightly narcissistic, but neither man gave much thought to the offhand name. There was a sharp crack as the large rock, some type of glossy mineral, broke from another strike of the pickaxe. Will watched as the two halves toppled apart, revealing the shine of unrefined wealth within. He shook his head in order to free himself from the seeping numbness.

Don looked around "Yo, nigga. What say we take a break."

The younger man glanced up "You got some reefer?"

"Hell yeah." was the reply.

Will nodded and looked around with his counterpart, seeing only the occasional worker, hammering at some far off collection of boulders and rocks. The two man casually walked away, resting their pickaxes on their shoulders, making it look as if they were off to work in a different section of the expansive mine. They followed the worn pathways, eventually coming to a small fork.

Lanterns lit the left passage way while the right remained dark and rather ominous. Will pointed at the darker one, years of clandestine smoking experience coming into play. Don nodded in agreement and they headed into the blackness, headlights bobbing in time with their wearers. Several large pipes, rusted and bolted to the stone wall, followed the trail deeper into the mine.

A set of crates stacked off to the side allowed the two friends to hide from any peering eyes. Don set his backpack down and pulled out a small plastic bag, revealing several joints within "Rolled them last night."

Will nodded agreeably "Right on."

A lighter flashed in the darkness and soon each man was puffing away. Don, however, turned his nose up "Smells like some moldy ass eggs down here."

"Word. Let it be man." Will replied nonchalantly

Don leaned casually against a nearby pipe, tossing the remains of the joint over his shoulder. There was a loud crack and the older man stumbled in surprise. The pipe had cracked and sagged slightly, now forming a large, jagged crack in the metal.

Will rubbed the back of his head "Shit, man. You broke that."

"Bah. Who's gonna know?" Don waved his hand dismissively.

Brown hair moving with his head, Will shrugged and pointed back towards the entrance "Autobots roll out."

The sound of a car came from Don's mouth and Will laughed openly at the noise. Neither seemed to notice the underlying hiss which came from behind them. Soon, they were back at their regular posts. Don's eyes were a faint pink and Will squinted heavily, mouth slightly open. The ringing of a bell startled the younger counterpart and he jumped.

"Jumping Jesus!"

"Break time, nigga."

Don was indeed right and soon there was a steady flow of workers shuffling out of the mine, pickaxes and bags slung over their shoulders as they chatted both wearily and happily. It was finally time for a rest from the work and afternoon light poured happily inwards from the mine entrance. Don and Will had awoken early, along with their fellow miners, and had gone to work despite their still-healing injuries.

Will was squinting at the bright sunlight, smiling dazedly as Don examined his fingernails again. As the two approached the cave entrance, Don cracked a joke and the duo began laughing. In fact, they were still laughing when they got the impression that a jetliner had struck them in the back. The two were flung forward like rag dolls, their equipment flying away.

A huge plume of flame and debris carried them forward, burning their clothing, singing their hair, and eventually depositing them, and many others, on the rocky hillside. Screams and cries for help filled the air as burnt and flaming wood rained down, perforating the thick, jet black column of smoke which snaked out of the mine.

Don was the first to move, gasping in pain as he crawled forward blindly, ears ringing, a small trickle of blood coursing from them. A charred pallet was resting heavily on his back and he struggled to focus his sight. He was laying lopsidedly on a small collection of rocks and patchy grass, approximately fifty or so feet from the destroyed mine.

Off to his right, Will was laying on his back, wiping his blackened face with an equally filthy hand. He too was bleeding and burnt, but there was no pain, primarily due to the fact that he was in shock. It took the younger man several minutes to register the screams and sirens which seemed to muffled and dull.

He laid his head back "I think I'm deaf." His head lolled sideways "I gotta tell my mom. I gotta tell my mother."

Don grunted in pain as he turned and pushed the pallet off of himself, stumbling to his feet in the process. All around him, workers were laying strewn about on the ground, some unmoving, others slowly rising and coming to their senses. Don struggled over to Will, grabbing onto his younger counterpart who still seemed unable to comprehend the situation around him.

"Are you alright?" Don yelled, his ears still ringing.

Will looked about in surprise "What?"

The older man raised his voice louder "The mine fuckin' blew up!"

"Are people dead?" Will seemed shocked that such a thing could happen to him.

Don nodded slowly "Yeah! But we need to help the niggas that aren't!"

Rubbing at a cut in his forehead, Will nodded and walked several feet, helping a diamond dog sit up shakily. Don was making his way towards the mine entrance, stumbling like a drunk as Will followed slowly, his singed hair bobbing as he stepped over day was only prone to worsen, and as Don tied his shirt around his face, followed by Will, a worker stumbled from the smoky abyss, promptly collapsing at Don's feet.

The two humans knelt next to the mare tiredly, weakly trying to get her to her feet. After a few minutes, she stood up and moved farther down before the two paused, ducking their heads and entering the destruction in front of them a second or so after. The smoke only seemed to make their injuries worse and Will was certain he had broken his left wrist as it seemed to throb and scream at the man, purple and swollen.

Thick, billowing clouds of smoke greeted the duo and they coughed in response to the filthy air, pulling their tattered and burnt shirts closer to their mouths and nostrils in a feeble attempt to protect their bodies from the smoke. Will dropped to his knees and stayed there for a full minute, head aching and hands laying limply on his thighs. He felt utterly exhausted, but as he watched Don's figure vanish deeper into the blackness, he crawled to his feet in resignation and followed.

It wasn't long before Don found the body of a fallen miner. He was a young stallion, coughing weakly against the smoke. The man grunted loudly and, with Will's sudden help, they were dragging the injured stallion to his safety just outside. Sirens were still screaming and ponies were crying, but Don seemed unmoved by the sheer terror around him and turned, going back into the mine. Will set the stallion down, unable to hold him up due to Don abruptly running back into the smoke.

Will lifted the shirt away from his mouth and spat, asthma getting worse by the minute "Oh man..."

His voice trailed off as he limped after Don, aiding him once again with a steady flow of injured and unconscious miners. They formed a sort of line, the older man helping Will as they discovered more and more fellow workers in need of assistance. Unbeknownst to the two humans, they were the object of attention now. Rescue workers looked on in awe as the two continued their stumbling dashes to and fro.

Suddenly, one miner, a grizzled stallion of light blue, stepped away from the gathered crowd and was next to the two men, helping them without saying a single word. Will could taste blood in his mouth at that point, having realized his throat had been rubbed raw from the smoke and asthma. Don wasn't much better off, his back burnt and clothing in rags, but the duo continued their work nonetheless.

And then the rescue workers were next to them, followed by the entire surviving portion of the miners as they continued deeper into the rubble. Chains were formed, handling those who were too injured to walk, and soon the entire mine, and the ponies left inside, were evacuated, strapped to stretchers and sent towards the hospital which would no doubt be overflowing.

Will climbed out of the smoky hell one last time and took a long look at the carts, ponies, and diamond dogs who were milling about, helping each other. The young man let out a long breath and promptly fell forward, unconscious before he hit the rocky ground. Don, who was coming out of the mine just in time to see his friend fall, clambered over to his side, attempting to help him up. But, just as it had claimed Will, Don felt the injuries and lack of adrenaline like a freight train and folded backwards, unconscious.

* * *

Will groaned, lifting a hand to his head as sunlight beamed through the cracks in the blinds of the window. His hounded pounded tirelessly from what had happened earlier yesterday, and the quite atmosphere gave him time to think. Slowly, the young man up, pain stabbing at him in the process. His back ached horribly, but the pain in his wrist had subsided to nothing, miraculously. A quick assumption led him to believe that the doctors fixed him up before he was able to awaken.

Looking to his left, he spotted Don, who was still asleep. Most damage on him seemed fairly superficial with the exception of a scar here or there. Will stood on his feet, stretching for a moment before nudging Don to wakefullness. The other man sat up jerkily, rubbing his eyes with his palms before running a han through his hair.

"Damn... What the hell happened?" Don asked, somewhat confused as to why he was in a hospital.

Will looked around again, not seeing any other patients, "I don't know. I remember an explosion at the mine, but that's it."

"You think we got caught in it? Or did we just pass out?"

"I don't know about that either."

"Ugh," Don groaned. "Where the hell is the damn doctor around here?"

As if on cue, the same green unicorn entered the room to the far left, mumbling something under his breath before he arrived at the two, "What the hell are you two doing out of bed? Brainless idiots." He pulled the chart to his face and looked at the humans, "So, you think you two can just play hero and not get hurt, huh? Too bad about your dumbflanks getting sent back here again. Wish you'd either all just keel over or go somewhere else for this stuff."

Don rubbed his temples, "Yo man, do you ever shut the fuck up? Like, seriously? Get the fuck done, or get the fuck out."

The doctor snorted, "Whatever. You're both free to go. Sign out at the desk."

Both men shared a look before proceeding out of the room, following the unicorn until he passed by the front desk of the hospital. There was a serious emptiness around the building as Will tapped his hand on the desk, getting the attention of a nurse.

"Oh! You two are up already? Well, I shouldn't be all that surprised, Doctor Dismal has a knack for fixing folks up quick! You two really did us a favor yesterday, ya know. If it weren't for what you two did, we'd have lost some miners, and nopony wants that. Really, thank you both a bundle for helping out."

Don sighed, "Just doing our jobs. How much do we owe this place now?"

She waved a hoof dismissively, "After what you guys did? The miners pooled their pay for yesterday and covered for you. No debts left for either of you two fellas. Now, go on, I'm sure there'll be a lot of ponies happy to see you two out of bed. Shoo!"

The two made for the exit before sparing a glance back at the mare, who motioned her hoof forward. They exited the hospital to a brighter day than the last, with several ponies walking along the streets with the occasional dog. A bell rang far off, and both men looked to find the miners exiting from the nearby hill. The citizens of Somewhere smiled and seemed generally happy at the two, but they were still left in a mist about what actually happened. Mica, they assumed, would have the answers for them.

It wasn't long before miners were swarming into town, dirty and ready for a midday meal. But all of that stopped as they caught sight of the two humans, still aching painfully, and approached them. There must have been a little over seventy miners who were all pleased to see the duo alive and decently well. In fact, several thanked them personally, stating that they had really done something for the town and the ponies within.

It wasn't often that Will was congratulated, but he felt good knowing that he had saved lives without thinking twice. Don, who was in the middle of a hug from a mare, felt the exact same way. Despite being miles from home, missing and injured, they had large smiles plastered over their bruised and cut faces, happy to be among strangers for the first time in their lives.

The sight of Mica, her coat shimmering slightly in the afternoon light as she broke through the crowd, caught both mens attention and they made their way towards her, shaking hooves, slapping paws, and generally interacting with the mass of ponies and dogs around them. It took a few minutes, but eventually the crowd dissipated, allowing the two men to finally reach Mica. She had a sloppy, almost rueful grin on her face as she wrapped her friends in a shared hug, one arm for each as she pulled them together while standing.

She was the first to speak "I don't think I can ever thank you guys enough! But THANK YOU!"

Don waved his hand "All in a days work. I am the supreme gangster of all time, after all."

There was a snicker from Will "Supreme bullshitter more like." He looked over at Mica "In all seriousness, we were glad to help. Someone had to do something."

Mica nodded agreeably "Uh huh. You were pretty close to dying when you got in to see the doctor though. He said your as-something was the worst he had ever seen."

"Asthma. Well, that shit only gets worse when i'm breathing in smoke and running around." Will replied sullenly.

Don rubbed a small cut on his temple "Word. Anyway, that doctor's assistant or whatever said that we don't owe him shit. So what now?"

"Well since you guys saved the day, I made the arrangements for you two to have some better paying jobs, since you know, you're gonna be here until the snows melt and the passes open!" Mica said with a coy smile.

Will let a look of appreciation cross his face "What kinda jobs?"

"Nigga, please. We're probably the mayors! Or at least I am, you can be my assistant." Don said breezily.

"Why don't you fuck off and die?" Will retorted jokingly.

Mica jumped in at that point "Listen!" She pointed at Will "You'll be running the general store, like cashier and stocking shelves and stuff."

The younger man nodded in acceptance as Mica moved onto Don "And you'll be a bartender at the local bar, seeing as though I couldn't really find anything else around here." She noticed his expectant look, "Ugh, yes, the pay is better than a miner, and there's the tips to go with it." The mare grinned, "Just make sure you hook me up with a drink every now and then, alright?"

Don smirked, "Yeah, sure. So, what now?"

Mica glanced at the sun for a moment, "Well, I'm not all that sure. It's still a bit past noon, and that means there's maybe six or seven hours left. You guys should probably keep it easy for a while. Come on," she motioned her hoof to the center of town, "let's go grab your last pay."

SCENE BREAK

"Oh-ho-ho, lookie what we have here... The dogs who saved the day yesterday."

Lapis was leaning on a hoof, smirking as the two humans and single unicorn walked into the building. The air was slightly stuffy, but no one bothered complaining as the blue mare reached down and threw two sacks of bits on the front desk. They jingled a universal song that usually led to some sort of happiness or fun. Both Don and Will grabbed their respective bags and stuffed them into their pockets. The gruff pony shook her head, chuckling at the pair.

"You two sure are odd, ya know that? Comin' outta nowhere one day, then savin' miners the next!" Lapis shrugged, "Ah, who cares. Three hundred bits for the both of you. Shame you aren't going to be workin' 'round the mine anymore."

Will gave a look to his comrade, "A real shame."

"For real." Don felt some pangs of hunger, "Wanna grab some food?" Will nodded, "Ight, let's find some shit to eat."

They left, bidding farewell to Lapis as she returned to her work. The day seemed to speed by fast, both men going about it as what seemed to be normal. Nothing of true significance happened and they each went back to their quarters for the last time to sleep the night away. Tomorrow, however, would bring much greater prospects.

* * *

The Somewhere General Store was located just off the main street, that which was called "Miners Alley" by the local populace. Miners Alley itself diverged into several different, small roads that led off to housing or smaller, less known stores. The general store seemed to fit in quite well next to a modest hair salon run by an easygoing stallion named Peco, and a tailors. Each of the establishments was homey and had a relax atmosphere, allowing customers to shop in peace.

However, the general store seemed less peaceful than expected, probably due to the yelling coming from inside. Will was standing behind the counter, gesturing at the racks and shelves behind a stallion who was standing aimlessly in the middle of the store, not grasping the concept being hurled at him.

Will raised his voice for what seemed like the fiftieth time "How many times? We DON'T have tube socks! Do you understand that this store, the one you are currently standing like a fool in, does not have the product you require?"

The stallion tilted his head "Are you sure? I thought I saw some here yesterday."

"I was here yesterday! I checked the stocks!" Will sighed and buried his head in his hands "Listen, man. There's a tailors next door! Ask there! They probably have some fucking tube socks!"

Apparently the suggestion was enough for the stallion and he trotted out, leaving Will to sit back in his chair. He shook his head at the stupidity and flicked a magazine open, this one about different types of trees and their effect on the soil and it's fertility. It was a sad, sad day for Will as he realized that he had stooped to reading material this low. He shook his head again and checked the analogue clock above the front door.

His shift would be over in five minutes and then he would head down to the bar where Don was no doubt working the night shift. Will's shift usually ended as Don was just beginning his, allowing the two friends some time to talk and drink. Luckily, in Somewhere at least, there was no legal drinking age, apart from fillies of course. The clicking of hooves informed the arrival of the stores owner, one Mr. Abernathy, an elderly diamond dog who was more concerned about his never ending game of mahjong than the store itself.

The greying diamond dog hobbled from the back of the store which was, in reality, a small break room and a loading bay, and leaned on his cane as he spoke to Will "Jamie? Is everything alright? I thought I heard some shouting."

Will fought the urge to breakdown into a sobbing heap. Mr. Abernathy had convinced himself that Will was actually his grandson, Jamie, who hadn't been seen around the town in over fifteen years, leaving his grandfather to decay by himself. Will, who had given up on trying to convince the senior that he wasn't his grandson, put on a smile and stood up politely.

"It was just some young rascals running about outside, Mr. Abernathy. Nothing to worry about."

Mr. Abernathy smiled contently, his bushy eyebrows sheltering the grey irises "Kids these days. Say, do you remember when we went fishing with your cousin down on Black Water Lake?" The cane tapped expressively on the floorboards "How much do you reckon that catfish weighed?"

Will dropped his head for a second before looking back up "A good thirty pounds at least."

"That was a good day."

And then the elderly canine hobbled back into his mahjong den, leaving Will to close up the store. Soon, the lone human was heading down the streets towards Don's place of work, the sun falling behind him.

SCENE BREAK

"You got a Ruby Claim on you by any chance?"

Don stood up from his kneeling position and pulled out several bottles, "I can make one. You paying now or later?"

"Later," a brown pegasus replied.

The human narrowed his eyes, "I expect your tab to be completely wiped by tonight. Records say you've been skipping on tab for a bit."

"Don't worry," he tossed a cloth sack of golden bits onto the table, "I got enough for myself and all the other drinks I got."

"So why not pay it now?"

"In the beginning of the night? Are you crazy? What do I look like, like I'm Prench?"

Don rolled his eyes, "Heavens no."

The stallion grunted in amusement and Don proceeded to make the alcoholic beverage as requested. In reality, most of the drinks were fairly simple and required basic math skills to make. There were, however, some that became complex quickly, testing what meager bartending skills he had in only a day. His lie of how much experience he had secured him a job, but no one was complaining yet, so he simply assumed he was at least doing something right. Don finished the red beverage and slid it forward on a coaster. The stallion took a sip and nodded, trotting off with it in hand towards his friends.

The bar, unlike much of the town, was fairly modern. Speakers all around the room would be booming music soon, and cages would eventually hold dancers with neon glowsticks around their necks. It was a serious surprise to the man when he figured out that the establishment was the way it was. The patrons were of all sorts and despite it being far too early for anything serious, the nightlife seemed quite progressive in comparison to every other business in the town of Somewhere. He shuddered, recalling when a stallion attempted to hit on him earlier.

"Are you sleeping on the job or something, you joke?"

Don turned his head to his boss, who demanded to be addressed as Madame Lemon Dropatini. As her named implied, she was bright yellow Earth mare, coupled with a orange, curly and well-kept mane. Her attitude towards her employees was less than fantastic, but her ability as both owner and manager kept all of the business focused on her enterprise, making her a respectable member of the town. Don, however, was caught in the way of all her negative comments. He mostly ignored her unless she gave a specific order that needed fulfilling.

"Nah, I was calculating the exchange rate from Stalliongrad vodka per ounce to here, with tax included."

She gave him a stern look before begrudgingly nodding, "Fine, but no lollygagging. I'm not about to let some fresh meat ruin my club by being inadequate."

The human nodded his head and turned back to his duties, making drinks and using a chart as a guide. He checked the clock and saw that it was about to hit ten, usually the time when most of the clubbers would arrive until the early hours of the morning. A familiar face walked through the door as he bent down to pick up several mugs to clean. There was a tapping on the bar as he stood up again, using a rag to wipe the mugs dry.

Don smirked at Will, "Whatcha need, stalker? I got all the shit you're ever going to need."

Will took a seat on one of the stools and leaned forward inconspicuously "I was wondering," he paused to look needlessly over his shoulder "If you had some high class herb that'll get me higher than high."

Don looked over both his shoulders slowly before leaning in, "I got some stuff, if you got the bits. The local stuff is major suckage, but I got this guy who's willing to export for the right price."

There was a solemn and understanding nod from Will "I got the bits. It's just, you know, i've been feeling some cosmic loneliness lately."

Don put down the glass and leaned on his fist, "Yeah, I'm not really in tune with it ever since- Fuck, I don''t even know when! But we can solve that problem with a little help from some chems." He quickly looked both ways, "I got an idea, wanna hear?"

"My ears are more open than Madame Lemon's legs. Lay it on me, bro." Will replied.

"I was thinking about that ant and moth army thing, remember that? Well, what if we made spiders? Spiders that made piff instead of silk that feed on flies full of THC?"

Will ran finger down his chin "The ant and moth army never worked out. Damn moths were too proud in my opinion, but spiders? We need a controlled environment, and a gene-splicing laboratory for sure."

"I'll make some calls, if I ever even get a reception with this damn thing." Don banged his Blackberry against the table once, "Still has a full charge, somehow. God knows why, but who the hell cares. So how was work?"

"Could have been better. These horses always want tube socks! I'm not sure if it's some subtle innuendo or what, but I'm sick of them asking." Will scratched at his arm "And then there's Mr. Abernathy. Enough about me though, how are things on your end?"

Don stuck his hands in his pockets and shrugged, "The Madame's on my ass every half hour and some of the guys and gals here seem to find me exotic. Same thing with your probably. Haven't heard anything about tube socks though." He seemed to look off to someplace, "Just... other things that they offer..." He shook his head, "Anyway, want a drink?"

Will nodded "Just give me whatever. You know I smoke more than drink, right?

"Yeah, but lemme give you the 'Madame Speciale'. Tangy."

The older man grabbed a martini glass and began to mix together liquids until it reached a lemony-orange color. He pushed it towards Will on a coaster and went back to drying glasses, watching expectantly.

Will swirled the beverage around in its glass before taking an experimental sip. A look of appeasement reach his face and he nodded, taking another sip "Not bad, Don, not bad at all." Will paused in his drinking "Hey, what'd you do with the backpack? Don't want to lose any of that stuff."

Don kicked the bag in question from behind the counter, "Got it right here. Why? What's up?"

"Nothing. Just makin' sure." He set the glass down "I wonder what my family is up to."

"Probably calling the Mounties to look for you or some shit." Don sighed as a mare came trotting up to them.

"Hi! Can I get a Pyrite Dream?" The teal pony asked in a cheery tone.

"Sure."

Don grabbed the necessary ingredients and a tall, thin glass. He threw some cubes of ice that held minerals that glowed a very faint, golden color. Some alcohol was promptly poured in along with mango juice with a few squirts of lemon for kick. He stirred the drink until it reached equilibrium and handed it to the mare, who placed several bits on the counter. She took a sip and gave a wide smile before trotting away.

Don turned back to Will, "I don't even know what any of these drink names are, I just throw shit together and they like it."

Will guffawed "Born to be a bartender, nigga."

Don opened his mouth to speak before a stallion trotted up to the two, looking at the older in specific, "Hello, would you mind if I ask a question?"

Sighing once again, Don looked to Will and refilled his drink, "You go and socialize or something, I still gotta work and shit."

Will shrugged and moved off the stool, still in view as he towered over all the other clubbers. The stallion cleared his throat, making Don turn his attention back to the patron. Now looking at him, he finally saw the Earth pony's apperance. He was a royal blue in color, with a lighter gray for a mane that was partially covered by a tophat. A pair of elegant glasses were on his face as he smiled at the man, a dark peacoat covering most of his body.

"What can I get for ya?" Don asked.

"Well, I was more interested in information, specifically where you two are from." He thought for a moment, "But I suppose that's too forward. How long have you been living in Somewhere?"

Don was slightly annoyed by the stallion but leaned forward regardless, cupping his hands coolly, "Bro, you're not asking the right questions. You should ask how Don the barman, Don the hookah man, Don the man who partied with all sorts of friends in all sorts of places, ended up in Somewhere."

"Interesting..." The stallion extended his hoof, "Sir Silver Tongue, Director of Canterlot Royal Museum of Antiquities."

The human shook his hoof, and rolled his eyes. This was not how he wanted to spend his shift.

SCENE BREAK

As Don was conversing with the corporate stiff, Will was grinding against a mare on the dance floor, not realizing how intoxicated he was. He was enjoying himself quite thoroughly as the mare flipped her mane back and forth. To Will it smelt like cherry blossoms, but he paid it little mind and continued with his grooving, not noticing an inebriated couple watching him from across the dance floor.

It took a few minutes, but eventually the stallion, a younger one of bluish-white, approached him, stumbling slightly, followed by his girlfriend or wife. It took a bit of prodding to gain the human's attention and soon enough Will was looking down at the stallion in front of him.

"Hey, bro. You need something?"

The stallion nodded drunkly in the positive, smiling in a seductive manner "Me and my wife jut made a bet about who could get you into bed faster, and I don't plan on losing."

Will narrowed his eyes angrily "Get out of here, stalker."

Whether or not the stallion was merely oversensitive or just too drunk to hold back the mass of emotions remained unseen as he ran off, blubbering like a child. His wife, a mare of charcoal black, shook her head at Will.

"You horrible monster!"

The man called out after her as she chased the crying stallion down "Peace out, bro! Wish we could have rolled a joint together!"

Don shook his head from the bar counter, "Only one drink and he's already up on some bitch."

He clicked his tongue and continued to serve drinks well into both the night and the morning. Things were, for once, looking up for the two as they maintained their new jobs.

* * *

**Stillmatic**

Hello, our only two readers! How the hell are ya? We're doing pretty good! Anyway, new chapter and shit, enjoy!


	5. Chapter 5

**Two G's in a Pod**

**Chapter 5: Cave Story  
**

**By: Stillmatic and Lucius Seneca**

* * *

Don hummed to himself, combing his hair in front of the mirror in his room. Both men recently rented out the apartment above the store Will worked in, for the low price of only three hundred bits a month. Both were capable of easily making that amount and feeding themselves well with money to spare with their new jobs now that their debts had been paid for them. He flexed in the mirror for a moment, showing off the new threads he received from the tailor next door yesterday before work.

It was odd, all too odd. There was mention of a job that needed fulfilling on the end of Sir Silver Tongue (Don cringed at how he assumed he got his name) that no one else was willing to take on. While it was hard to calculate the difference between bits and dollars, it eventually seemed that they were quite on point with each other in terms of value. Though, the sound of several thousand bits didn't have any language barrier and he understood quite well the reward both he and Will would receive, should they be successful. Unfortunately, that was all the information he got from the stallion, other than that they were to meet around noon the next day, a day off for almost everyone in town.

Don tore himself from the mirror and hung a jacket over his shoulders for the cold weather he would soon be experiencing. He made his way into Will's room and stood in a mix of shock and amusement. There, beside Will, was a flinty grey mare with a short, faded blue mane. Don bit his bottom lip, holding in a laugh that desperately wanted to escape. She seemed peaceful and serene in her current state, snuggling up against the other human for what seemed to be comfort or protection.

"Oh my god..." Don muttered under his breath, "This shit is hilarious..."

He ripped out his Blackberry and snapped a shot of the scene. The flash made the mare stir, fluttering her eyelids until she smiled at him and yawned, now awake.

"You must be," she yawned again, "Will's friend. Nice to meet you."

Don raised a brow at her attitude, "You two do anything I didn't hear about last night?"

The mare sat up, rubbing a hoof at her eyes tiredly, "Nah, he just needed help getting back here and well... It was late and all... So I just got in too."

"Some interesting logic you have there." He commented.

Don stepped over to Will and lightly shoved him in an attempt to wake him up. When several tries failed, he proceeded to shake the other human's shoulder wildly. The mare watched confusedly at the antics and shrugged. She would much rather be asleep and went back to doing so, cuddling up against Will. Don glared at her counter-productivity and nearly threw an insult if it weren't for the fact Will suddenly scooted off the bed, almost falling.

Will's red and sagging eyes tiredly locked onto the mare's innocent ones in a confused, awkward manner, "Who the hell are you?"

The mare looked back in insulted confusion, "I'm Flint! What, you don't remember me?"

The human squinted his eyes against the harsh morning light, eventually coming to a conclusion "Oh yeah, yeah. You helped me home last night. Thanks for that."

Flint hummed in approval and promptly rolled over, pulling the sheets over her. Will stood up slowly and stretched, cursing in the process. He turned to face Don, dressed in only a pair of very well-worn jeans, "Top of the morning to you." Will flicked aside a curtain, "And she is one for the record books too. What? Looking's for free, touching is gonna cost you"

A look of poorly hidden anger and disgust crossed Don's face, "Get the fuck outta here with that shit."

There was a loud chuckle from Will as he entered the bathroom and shut the door. Minutes later the sound of a shower could be heard along with loud humming. Don shook his head at the antics and pulled on his shoes. They seemed to be holding up well despite the strange situations at hand. The sound of the shower stopped abruptly and Will emerged, towel wrapped around himself for some level of decency.

"So, hangovers aside, what'd you do last night? I saw you talking with that one dude for like an hour."

Don shrugged and took a seat on the bed, careful not to disturb Flint, "We'll talk about that over breakfast, nigga." He raised an eyebrow at Will as he gathered up his new clothes, courtesy of the tailor next door, "You were going hard on the dance floor though."

"Eugh. Some dude approached me about rocking it in bed with him and his girl." Will grinned, "You know what I said, nigga?"

There was a tilt of the head, "What'd you say?"

"Get out of here, Stalker."

Uproarious laughter filled the room as both men clutched their sides in humorous agony. Flint refused to stir however, and remained hidden in her cozy cave of down blankets. Will wiped a tear away, "Yo, gotta get dressed. Get the fuck out."

Don waved his hands, "Yeah, yeah, nigs."

Soon he was gone from the room and the door shut, allowing Will to pull on his new clothes. He hadn't taken a good look at the folded attire until now and as soon as he did, he let out a long sigh and a curse. Whether Don was pulling a prank or this was all the tailor could come up with remained to be seen, but Will knew his other clothes wouldn't last much longer and he sighed once more as he hastily got dressed.

He didn't like wearing suits, especially ones that were blazingly white with a black diamond pattern. Will looked at himself in the mirror as he pulled on equally white dress shoes. He shook his head and opted not to wear the tie. He didn't know how to tie one anyways. Will glanced over at the snoozing figure of Flint and gave a small nod to himself before exiting the room, finding Don waiting.

Don nodded his head towards the stairs and the duo headed to the kitchen, where the elderly Diamond Dog, Mr. Abernathy, was attempting to cook eggs on a stove that wasn't on. Both humans grabbed some pears and walked out; eating them on the way to their destination. The harsh winter wind began to blow immediately, but they continued in a direction Will wasn't familiar with.

Before he could ask, Don already spoke the answer, "Ight, so we're going to see that guy Silver Tongue. He has a job for us that pays stupid good and I'm not turning that shit down and neither are you. He told us to meet him at the house next to a barbershop at noon. Any questions?"

"What's the job?"

"Don't know."

Will nearly considered stopping and heading back to sleep, but followed regardless, not wanting to confront Flint in bed. The duo walked for another five minutes before a familiar stallion tapped his hoof anxiously, looking frantically from side to side and back at a watch. He beckoned them over as soon as he caught sight of them.

"What took so long? I've been waiting for a while." He glanced at his watch, "Over ten minutes for you two!"

"Who's this?" Will asked.

"Silver Tongue. Anyway, what're we even doing here man?"

The stallion cleared his throat, "We are going to attempt to persuade a local into giving us a permit to excavate an area in the mine." He knocked loudly at the door a few times, smiling, "And I'm sure she'll agree once she's seen who's volunteered for the job."

"SHUT UP!"

Each of them recoiled back as someone walked up to the door, a faint grumbling being heard from the other side. Much to the surprise of the two humans, it was Mica, whose mane was fairly unkempt, evidencing her rude awakening at the hands of the museum director. She scowled at the Canterlot aristocrat but began chuckling once she saw the two men.

"Oh, he's dragged you two into this now?"

Don frowned, "What's she talking about?"

"Don't you know?" She asked, smiling, "This stiff probably wants you to go into the Deep Mine after getting a permit from me."

"So?" Will looked at Mica, "What's this 'Deep Mine'?"

Silver Tongue cleared his throat, "I don't think now is the best time to discuss that. Now, if we could simply get a permit, I'd like to get them along the path to recovering the artif—"

Mica cut him off, glaring angrily at him, "Oh shut up! You always say that and guess what happens? We lose a few good miners! Stop trying to get that darn thing if you know it's in a cursed part of the mine!"

"Cursed?" Don asked, "As in we're definitely unwelcome and it'll be dangerous?"

"Of course! This guy tempts miners to go down there all the time! More than half the expeditions don't even come back!"

Will pulled his head back and raised his hands, palms outwards, "Fuck this! I don't play with the whole cursed game, boys! I'm out!"

Don grabbed his counterpart by the collar and pulled him back, "You're not going anywhere, nigga, and neither am I! We're gonna do this shit, and get the ducats! Curses are bullshit anyway!"

"You two can't be serious! You'll die down there!" Mica exclaimed loudly, looking slightly insane in her messy mane and bathrobe.

Silver Tongue cut in at that point, a greedy glimmer in his eyes, "Excellent! Now, the permit?"

Mica nearly hit the stallion, but bit her tongue and gestured the humans to enter her home for the time being, slamming the door in the face of Silver Tongue before he could enter. Will wiped several stray flakes of snow from his shoulders and watched as Mica rooted around a small desk down the hallway. She pulled a thick, pulp fiction piece of paper from the depths and floated it over towards Don who snatched it from the air with a determined hand.

Mica trotted over and pointed at the bottom of the paper, "Sign there, both of you."

Don grabbed a floating fountain pen and swirled his signature followed by Will who did so very, very reluctantly. Mica signed on a spot below their two signatures and shook her head, "You two are totally bonkers, you know that? This is crazy!"

The humans remained silent, grabbed the permit and headed out the door silently. Sliver Tongue congratulated them and soon the trio was headed towards the miner's quarters, and towards a cavern where death and danger were equal partners.

* * *

Don licked a finger and threw it into the air, narrowing his eyes, "I smell a motherfucking storm a-brewing..."

"Okay, Ahab." Will responded.

It was fairly quiet through the town as the trio walked past several homes and shops, getting wary glances from the residents when the stallion next to them was seen. Several ponies gave them grim looks and simply shook their heads, unsure of the future of the two volunteers. Eventually, they arrived at the miner's quarters, where Silver Tongue left them to wait outside, afraid to get too close to the dirty miners. The duo stepped inside without hesitation and quickly switched out of their clothes, getting on mining gear. Will felt a tug at his belt from behind.

"Hey," Cole Train began, rubbing at his eyes, "What're you two up to? It's everypony's day off today."

Will shrugged, "We're going into the mine to get something."

"A precious artifact, says the fruitcake outside." Don added.

Several of the miners who were barely awake or functioning suddenly sat up, staring at the two with wide eyes. They all traded looks before bursting into laughter, finding something hysterical. The humans looked at each other in confusion and then back down to Cole Train. His entire body was frozen, unmoving until he began blinking again and shook his head. The stallion looked gravely at the two, completely serious now.

"Don't do it."

A mare nearby shouted across the room, "Fifty bits says they come back running!"

"My next day's pay on them not even coming back!" Another pony replied.

Cole Train ignored them and kept staring, "Don't do what he asks. He's using you just like he did all the others."

Don narrowed his eyes, "What're you talking about? You mean he's gotten a lot more than Mica said, killed?"

"Almost two dozen."

Will took a step back in shock, "Whoa. Really?"

"Get out of the contract before it's too late!"

"We're not doing shit!" Don growled. The room seemed to fall silent as he elbowed Will, "We're going to go down there, get that shit, and get paid. No discussion. It'll be enough to have us set for months and I'm not turning that shit down." He looked to his accomplice and extended a hand, "You with me?"

Will met that hand with a firm grip, "We can't be the Bomb-Diggity-Fresh Boys if you end up getting killed because I wasn't there."

Don grinned, "That's what I like to hear! Let's get this shit done!"

The two were about to walk out before Cole stopped them, "Wait!" The miner rummaged through a nearby chest, holding some kind of clamp device, "Here. It's a sort of defibrillator. Last guys forgot to take theirs and well... never came back to get it. If what they say is true about what happens down there, trust me, you're going to need it."

Don threw the odd item into his backpack, "Thanks, appreciate it. Expect to see us tomorrow a whole lotta ducats richer."

"I hope so, for your sakes."

The two men exited the miner's quarters, passing by Silver Tongue who nodded eagerly, twiddling his hooves in greedy manner, "Marvelous! Here's a map to get you going in the right direction!" He handed will the folded paper, "Make sure to stay safe and absolutely bring back the artifact in one piece! I'm counting on you two!"

Neither said anything and simply continued walking, heading into the mines. As it began to darken, they flicked on their mining lights. Things were not going to go as hoped or expected, that was for sure.

* * *

Dripping pipes, the distant sounds of falling rocks, and a general sense of unease haunted the tunnels past the general mining area. There was little light apart from the occasional crack in high ceilings and the dim, yellow glow of two headlamps penetrating through the drifts of steam and dust. Skittering could be heard sometimes, echoing farther down the tunnel, but it vanished quickly, the sound hiding like a rat caught in the open.

Will paused in his walking and checked the map which detailed the interior of the "Deep Mine" It seemed like someone had taken a market and drawn loops, zigzags, and random swirls across the area, but in all reality, those were the tunnels themselves. Both men looked down, sweat on their brows, as they examined the laminated map. Will glanced forward and saw the large, rusting airlock in front of him. Railroad tracks, probably meant for handcars instead of an actual train, ran underneath and continued on unseen.

The airlock itself was a faded, tarnished metal and Will, nodding towards the identical pair of cranks on opposite sides of the airlock itself, headed towards the leftmost one, Don on the right. Rust screamed and dust swirled about like a phantom as it trickled downwards, the airlock door climbing slowly up and into the slot above which had been cut out of the rock. Will stopped in his turning and let out a long breath.

"Alrighty, I'm going under. I'll give you the all clear when I'm in."

Don gave a grunt of acknowledgement "Do whatcha gotta do, nigga."

Will ducked and crawled underneath the airlock, realizing that the two foot thick, four hundred pound door, could collapse at any given time. It certainly didn't seem sturdy, much less safe. He scampered forward and emerged into the blackest area yet. His voice came danced down the empty tunnel in front of him.

"Let's go!"

The sounds of Don as he stood up behind his younger counterpart relieved Will and he smiled palely, face quickly turning into a complexion of fear as the airlock door, true to Will's thoughts, slammed back into place with a sound to rival an explosion. Both men jumped and cursed loudly, Don letting out every single foul word he knew at the sound.

Eventually they calmed themselves and set forward, booted feet crunching on the loose gravel underfoot. No natural light was present in the tunnel and even the rats seemed absent, as if afraid of something both men were unaware of. Will coughed quietly and listened as the sound raced down the vacant area, resounding off of every surface. As they walked, Will checking the map constantly, Don tossed pebbles forward absentmindedly, waiting for something to attract his attention.

He tossed another rock forward, but stopped abruptly as the sound of the stone hitting the ground failed to appear. Don placed a hand on Will's shoulder and looked downwards, stepping back in fright as a large break in the ground revealed itself. Will whistled loudly and looked downwards at the black abyss. The railroad track twisted dangerously over and wind whistled from the depths. Neither man said anything for a few minutes, intent to look down at the bottomless pit.

Don broke the silence, "How the fuck are we supposed to get across?"

Will shrugged and pointed at the gnarled tracks, "Gonna have to risk that shit."

Don edged forward, looking over the abyss, "No way down, we're gonna have to use TEAMWORK. Come on."

He stepped onto one side of the track, balancing himself while Will did the same.

"How exactly do we do this without falling to our deaths?"

"Simple! Gimme your arm." Will extended his arm and Don grabbed it at the elbow, "Right, now we just need to walk across real easy like."

"Are you sure this is going to work?"

"When have I ever been wrong?"

Will frowned, "I can recall a few times."

"Whateves!"

The duo proceeded to move across, their boots providing a good grip to the metal. There were several screeches from below among what sounded like the howls of some animal. They looked at each other before quickening their pace, reaching the end of the abyss and getting back onto solid ground once again. A burst of flame nearly scraped against their backs from below as they moved away. A chattering noise bounced off the walls for a few seconds, then shortly dying off as the flames dwindled.

Don pulled his arm away from his eyes, not needing it as a shield anymore, "What the hell was that?"

"Fire, I think." Will stated.

"No shit."

"We should keep moving, before something else happens."

The sound of a pipe dropping nearby was all the motivation the two needed before they quickly ran off down the tunnel, furthering their escapade. The deeper they went, however, the more things seemed to turn for the increasingly bizarre. This was especially shown when Will stopped suddenly, hearing some faint whispers from nearby. Don looked back at him, confused as to why he stopped. The younger man looked to his right, where a pipe squeaked every now and then.

"You hear that?" Will stepped closer to it, leaning down to hear better, "I hear..."

"What?" Don asked in a flustered tone, "What the hell could possibly be there?"

"... Singing..?"

Several bangs went off in the large, red and rusted pipe. Bolts and screws popped out, whizzing into the air and flying towards random directions. Screaming went off in Will's ear as he fell back in shock. Don covered his ears, wincing at the heavy barrage of noise within the confined space. The screaming winded down, coming to a dull hiss. Don helped Will up, a scowl on his face.

"Why the fuck would you do that?"

"Singing pipes."

"Huh. Good enough for me."

Will shook his head to clear himself of the ghostly singing. It sounded almost classical, but there was an opera-like tone to it, deep, powerful and head turning. And then it had soured. Turning into a high pitched scream of agony, despairing in its shrill cry for help. Silence had followed that, but the pit of nervousness and fear remained within the younger man's stomach, making Will sweat and stumble on the ground beneath. There was something not right about the tunnels, about the rock, the winds, and the pipes. There was something wrong.

Up ahead, a handcar could be seen, still sitting patiently on the tracks as it waited for passengers to power it forward. Will checked the map and deduced that they were still on track, but were meant to take the next right and enter a crossroads of some sort. From there all they had to do was take another right, enter an area labelled as the "Grand Hall" and retrieve the artifact from the dig site within. Don propped his foot up on the side of the handcar and looked over the olden type of transportation.

"What's the map say, nigga?"

Will unfolded it once again, "Uh, basically says we take the next right."

Don hopped up onto the machinery, followed by Will, "Surprised you can read that."

"I don't know how to work a compass." Will shook his head, "How do you get that confused with a fucking map?"

"Same thing." Don retorted as he gripped the lever on his side.

Will did the same and soon the two were pushing their way along the rusted tracks, wheels rattling beneath as they journeyed further into the darkness. Eventually, the first turnoff appeared and they slowed the handcar, allowing Will to light a lantern which hung from the side of the vehicle. The more light the better, thought Will as he grabbed the lever and resumed the journey. Roots hung sloppily from the rock celling above and the occasional pebble would drop down from above, ricocheting off the tracks and vanishing into the gloomy darkness.

Don ducked his head as a large pipe, rusted and thick, came into view, "Fuck, did they have to build all that shit?"

Laughing breathlessly, Will spoke, "I don't know, Pavel, why don't you tell me?"

Several insults were hurled Will's way, but the younger man just laughed in retaliation, motioning for the Don to let the handcar slow to a halt as the crossroads came into view. It was shaped similar to a pitchfork, pathways curving off to the left and right, with a single path cutting through the middle. That route, however, was blocked by a cave in, rafters and other debris sticking out from the dirt. Will shone his light towards the leftmost tunnel, finding it clear and empty, but nonetheless creepy in its blackness.

"How much farther do we need to go?" Don asked, beads of sweat beginning to form on his forehead.

Will motioned with one hand to pull out the map, only for him to freeze up once his eyes looked behind his companion, "D-Don! DON!"

"What?!"

"There's something behind us!"

Don quickly looked back, only for his heart to begin racing rapidly. He gasped at what he saw and they both stared at what could only be as literal darkness creeping towards them, shrouding everything. Much unlike natural darkness, the sheer malice and fierceness could be felt emanating from the dark cloud and shining their headlamps at it didn't even begin to penetrate it. A distinct growling was echoing off the walls, coupled with the rust squeaks of the tram.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?" Don exclaimed louder than necessary.

Will grunted as he increased his pace of working the tram, "WHO KNOWS! JUST KEEP MOVING!"

They sped up considerably in a short few seconds, only for the darkness to outdo them by a large margin. Will's arms were now aching badly from the "exercise" and his asthma was beginning to catch up as well. His lungs puffed and he huffed loudly, trying to do his best to push himself to continue. Don was no better, losing his vigor after the exertion of increasing their speed. Slowly, the darkness began encroaching on his back, tendrils snapping at his back in a sick embrace. His eyes widened and he suddenly caught a sudden wind, shouting expletives and pushing them away from the darkness.

"HOW FAR IS IT?!"

Will winced, "WE'RE GETTING AHEAD!"

"WILL, TRUST ME ON THIS! TAKE OVER FOR ME!"

"WHAT!? ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?!"

"TRUST ME!"

"FINE!"

Don let go of his end of the lever and quickly ran through his backpack, searching for something. A deep scowl found itself on his face as he ripped out the now infamous flare gun, a trusty keepsake that now had saved their life once already. He clicked, firing a scorching red flare forward at the darkness. It howled as it exploded into a massive eruption of flames and cinder, with the little capsule cutting through it entirely. The smile on Don's face faded quickly and was replaced with the same horror and astonishment Will's had. The enormous flood of fire moved far slower than the darkness, but it too was just as deadly and their strength was running out.

Don looked forward to check for more pipes and gasped, "FUCK! WILL! NO WAY ACROSS!"

Will turned back and grimaced, "FUCKITY FUCK! WE'RE TOTES FUCKED!"

The cart flew upwards, taking to the air. Time seemed to slow the same way as when they flew off the cart back in Somewhere, but this was far more life-threatening for both. Quickly calculating the way they were flying, Don determined two things: First, the cart wouldn't make it across, second, Will had the best chance to make it across. He looked back to see the flames continuing towards them.

"JUMP!" Don shouted loud enough for his partner to hear.

The cart reached its final point and began to fall towards the abyss, while Will jumped back, landing on solid ground and rolling backwards. He gasped and looked over the edge, seeing Don just barely holding onto the gnarled rails. The pillar of flames was approaching faster and Will extended his hand out.

"HELP ME, MOTHERFUCKER! GET ME THE FUCK UP!"

"I'M TRYING!"

Will's lungs were on fire as he grabbed onto Don's free hand, using the rest of his strength to try and pull him upwards onto the other side. Massive amounts of heat began reaching them, and their palms became sweaty as a result. Don felt himself slipping, and hopped forward onto the edge, which proved a better grip due to the dirt. Will grabbed the back of his collar and yanked him upwards, right onto the ground. Don scrambled to his feet and snagged Will, dragging him backwards and away from the fire. He tripped, leaving both exposed for their upcoming demise.

However, it never came. They both opened their eyes and saw something quite amazing. The fire hit an invisible barrier that lied on the edge, groaning and crashing against it. No heat reached them as well, and they finally noticed the light now on them. Will heaved loudly while Don gasped for air, turning over to find that several light bulbs were placed above them. There was a general feeling of unknown comfort within the area, which seemed far more immaculate than any other place they had encountered so far. They rested against opposite sides of the wall, and separate symbols hung on the walls over them. Over Don lied a bright, shining sun that radiated some sort of soothing aura, while a crescent moon was above Will, providing an invisible, cooling relief.

Don wiped the sweat away from his brow, "That *pant* was fucking *pant* intense..."

Will threw himself into a sprawled out position, "I'm fuckin' pooched, we nearly died like twice, the battery on my headlamp is fucking dying. I want to go home." He sat up shakily, "This is not an ideal place to be for a sixteen year old and a nineteen year old!"

Don was busy catching his breath when he replied, "Nigga, at least we're alive."

The younger man pointed at the form a skeleton leaning against the wall of the tunnel, "Say that shit to him! He's dead as fucking dead can be! He's deader than dead!"

"Damn! Someone left a skeleton right there? We should take it as a souvenir."

Will crawled over weakly, still asthmatic, and stared at the slumped collection of bones, "That's a diamond dog or whatever they're called."

He pulled a burlap satchel away from the skeletal grip and opened it, ignoring the head which rolled free, landing at Don's feet. He lifted the skull upwards and turned it over in his hands, emptying the dust out of the empty cavity where the brain would have once been. Will shook his head at the morbidness and opened the satchel. Several items, including a journal of sorts, tumbled outwards. Will snatched up a grappling hook and its accompanying rope which he set aside before rummaging through the rest of the items.

It was mainly miscellaneous, but Will set his eyes on the warped leather-bound journal which he flipped through casually as Don rolled the head around at his feet. There were several entries relating to the tunnels and a rumored artifact deeper in. As the journal entries continued onwards, the handwriting turned into stretching scrawls punctuated by exclamation and question marks alike. Within the margins of the pages, numerous symbols had been scrawled by a shaky hand and crude skulls accompanied them.

Will shuddered and flipped to the next page. It was blank except for a single, repeating word which covered several lines. Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, Jamie. So that was where Mr. Abernathy's grandson had gone. Deep into the tunnels, losing his way, starving, dying, and eventually finding this small oasis in the depths of darkness. The journal sat in Will's hands for another moment before he tossed it off the edge and into the blackness below. It was better that way, he thought, better to not know about what had happened. Don watched as it sailed in the air for a moment before plummeting and vanishing.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

The sharpness of the words stopped Don from asking any further questions and he set the skull aside. Will looked upwards at the moon symbol which hung from what appeared to be a rawhide string attached to a cleat in the ceiling of the tunnel. He stood up and with a sharp yank, removed the string and symbol, handling the glowing blue object. It seemed to be stone of some kind, obsidian maybe, or something similar, but Will knew it was special. A seeping coolness absorbed into his hand and he tied the remaining rawhide into a necklace of sorts before hanging it around his neck, symbol resting against his chest.

"You gonna take that one?"

Don looked from Will's pointed finger to the symbol which hung over him. He nodded slowly and stood up, doing what Will had done only seconds ago. Soon, both men had their own necklaces secured and Will pulled his head back in surprise as he realized his asthma had vanished.

He grinned, face black with soot, "Better than a four leaf clover."

There was a nod from Don, "Or a rabbit's foot!"

Will chuckled and removed the slightly burnt map from his pocket and traced a path with his finger "Okay, Jose. Let's get a move on."

"Jose is a Mexican name."

"Did I ever tell you how you sound over the phone?"

"Fuck you. I do not sound Latino."

"Don't get your jimmies rustled there, bro."

"Fuck you, acting like there's some Bone Thugs up in here, stealing souls or some shit. Wack ass cracka."

Will laughed, quickly followed by a guffaw from Don. The two friends, fading headlamps pointed forward, set off deeper into the darkness, intent on discovering the fate of an artifact which would either prove to be their downfall or their rescue.


End file.
